With every summer comes a great summer love story, or in some cases, a fun summer fling. Think about Dirty Dancing, The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants, among so many other classics. Everyone knows the tips about how to achieve that perfect summer fling, but not every summer relationship is meant to last forever.
So, what do you do when that flame starts to fizzle out? I spoke with three relationship experts — Suman Kumar Sahni, Justin Perre, and Sameera Sullivan — about what to expect post-fling, and here are three tips that I learned.
It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and turn to loved ones.
Sometimes there’s an assumption that because you weren’t officially together for an extended period of time, it means you can’t be upset about the fling’s fizzle. However, that assumption is incorrect, and grief should be embraced.
“It’s important to allow yourself to feel the various emotions that come with a breakup, such as sadness, anger, and disappointment,” says Sahni, a relationship expert at Lusty Boy. “Don’t try to suppress or deny them, as this can lead to negative effects on your mental health.”
Leaning on supportive friends is always a go-to for any heartache, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about how you’re feeling too. Therapists have a saying, ‘If you can’t feel it, you can’t heal it,’ meaning avoiding pain doesn’t actually work, says Justin Perre, an intimacy, sex, and relationship therapist at Clarity Counseling Seattle.
“Our friends and family can’t take our pain away, nor should they, but healing from lost love isn’t meant to be experienced alone,” Perre says.
If your friends and family truly care, it won’t matter how long you were with your fling, they’ll know your feelings are valid and they’ll listen. If you’re feeling a little unsure about talking with them, a therapist is also only a phone call away.
Stop stalking the situationship’s socials.
We’ve all been there, and it might be your first reflex to stalk all of their socials and see if they’ve already moved on after breaking up with a fling. This, unfortunately for some, is the exact opposite of what you should be doing.
“After a breakup, it’s important to take some time away from your ex,” Sahni says. “Avoid contact with them, including social media. Seeing their posts or messages can trigger emotions and make it harder to move on. Take a break from them and focus on yourself.”
For some, this is easier said than done as almost half of Americans admit to stalking an ex’s online presence, USA Today reported.
Think about it this way, do you really want to see a former fling thriving on some tropical island? Probably not, and if you feel the same way, then it’s best to block.
Finding new activities can be a healthy distraction from your fling.
If you’re an avid overthinker like me, then sitting around cannot be an option; you’ll be left thinking about every single thing you could have done wrong throughout the fling. Instead, you could take this time as an opportunity to focus on yourself and your goals instead.
“To start focusing on yourself and heal, engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment,” says Sameera Sullivan, the founder of Sameera Sullivan Matchmakers. “Explore hobbies, exercise, spend time with loved ones, and invest in self-improvement. Take time to rediscover your passions, set new goals, and nurture your overall well-being.”
For some, this can be as simple as finding your new favorite planner to organize your goals and aspirations for the upcoming calendar year or trying a new hobby, like meditating.
A personal favorite of mine is volunteering, it’s the perfect way to do something good for others while distracting yourself. “Helping others can be a great way to take your mind off your own problems and give you a sense of purpose,” Sahni says.
It doesn’t matter if you were with your fling for one week or a few months, it can still hurt when the relationship is past its prime. During this time, healthy distractions will become your best friend. With summer here, it’s the perfect opportunity to take time for yourself during a nice beach sunset moment, or taking the time to try something completely new. Whatever you choose, make sure to make the most of it and allow yourself to heal.