Y’all, it’s the Fourth of July — and it’s time to get freaky. Look, I know it can be hard to feel patriotic in this political climate, but don’t let that stop you from getting your flirt (and your freak) on. And if you’re feeling bold, then consider this holiday an excuse to send out some dirty Fourth of July texts.
Let’s be real: You’ve probably already gotten those group chat messages. You know the ones — full of chaotic thirst traps, unhinged emojis, and memes that toe the line of being actually hot. And while they’re funny, they don’t always help you close the deal. If you’re trying to make a move on your crush, send your partner into a spiral of anticipation, or just say something wildly out-of-pocket to your bestie, you need something better than recycled “let me light your sparkler” jokes. (OK, actually… I might still use that one.)
Ahead, I’ve rounded up the dirtiest, flirtiest, and funniest Fourth of July texts to send this year. They’re unhinged. They’re chaotic. They’re definitely not safe for your family group chat. But hey — it’s America, baby. Go wild, and get unserious.
So, without further ado, pledge allegiance to your (freak) flag and get ready to send one, or several, of these 45 dirty Fourth of July texts.
Dirty Fourth of July Texts:
- You wanna light my sparkler later?
- Red, white, and bend me over.
- Thinking about that firework between your legs rn.
- You bringing the hot dogs? I’ll bring the buns.
- Tonight’s fireworks better not be the only thing exploding.
- If you’re looking for fireworks… I’ve got something better.
- You free after the BBQ? I promise I’m more fun than grilled chicken.
- We should make out under the fireworks. For tradition.
- I’m feeling very “land of the free” and “home of the horny” today.
- You + me + fireworks + a suspiciously long bathroom break?
- Let’s make tonight’s grand finale a little more… intimate.
- I wanna ride you like a parade float.
- If your hands aren’t on me by sundown, we’ve got a problem.
- We can do more than watch the fireworks.
- You bringing the fireworks or just planning to set me off?
- I’d like to respectfully pledge allegiance… to your thighs.
- Wearing red, white, and blue — but it’s coming off the second you get here.
- Let’s make this a girl-on-girl independence celebration.
- You’re the only spark I care about tonight.
- What if we skipped the BBQ and did something much wetter?
- Wanna come over and show me your interpretation of “liberty and justice for all”?
- I’m ready to declare my independence… from pants.
- Got room for me under that flag or just between your legs?
- I don’t need a parade — I need your mouth.
- You’re hotter than a backyard grill and twice as dangerous.
- Wanna make me see stars before the fireworks start?
- If we don’t kiss under the fireworks, I’m filing a formal complaint.
- Your outfit is cute, but it’d look better on my floor.
- I’m feeling extra patriotic — like, I’d let you ruin my life rn.
- I’d gladly be your national treasure.
- This is your green light to make me scream louder than the fireworks.
- I brought the sunscreen. Now bring the heat.
- We’re making our own post-BBQ afterparty. Clothing optional.
- Let’s celebrate freedom — like, freedom from our clothes.
- You’re my favorite kind of explosive device.
- Honestly? I’d risk a sunburn just to see you in that swimsuit again.
- I wanna make some revolutionary war noises tonight.
- No one’s grilling me… except maybe you.
- Skip the fireworks — let’s see if we can light up each other.
- If I say I’m saluting you, just know I mean with my tongue.
- Your strap should be illegal in 50 states.
- Consider this my official declaration of horniness.
- My kink is you disrespecting me in the name of freedom.
- You’re the hottest person in the beer line. Come ruin my life.
- I’m not asking for fireworks. I’m asking for your thighs around my head.
NGL, I’m gonna need a dip in the pool to cool off. (Is anyone else hot?)