On April 16, Chappell Roan joined Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang on their Las Culturistas podcast to talk about all things sex, pleasure, and getting the job done — and I’m here for it. Shedding some light on the importance of wanting to make your partner feel good during sexy time, the trio takes the idea of “giving” to a whole new level by reconsidering the term “service top” and how it can (and should) be a given thing during sex… but what does “service top” actually mean?
The podcast dropped a month after the Midwest Princess dropped her latest queer country single “The Giver” where she sings about giving to your partner during sex — what Yang calls a “reset for how people talk about sex,” in the podcast. Becoming the new anthem for service topping and how good sex can be when there’s a “giver,” Roan says in the podcast that she used to do what she thought her partner wanted, “even if it didn’t feel good.” Roan’s country banger reignited the LGBTQ+ term by highlighting the idea of instead being a meaningful service to your partner, hence the power lesbian professions she dressed up as to tease the song (like the construction worker, the plumber, the lawyer, etc.).
But the song goes deeper (pun intended) than just being a service to your partner. Roan confirms in the podcast that she wants to do what makes her partner feel good — because, in return, that’s what makes her feel good. Roan’s interpretation of a “service top” is more than just being a top and pleasuring your partner… and honestly, I think we can all learn something from it.
So, what’s a service top?
Put simply, a “service top” means someone who is a top in bed but likes to service the other person (like doing things for their pleasure) rather than dominating them. Essentially, the top puts the bottom’s pleasure ahead of their own, despite being the one on top and in control. Maybe this means you’re using a specific amount of pressure, riding it at certain angles or directions, using a specific tempo, using particular toys, or even just letting your partner guide you completely.
While the bottom is usually seen as a submissive role, when service topping, the bottom actually becomes the one in control, and the top becomes submissive to the bottom. (So if you were ever nervous about being on top, just think about it this way.)
But the idea of a “service top” doesn’t have to directly refer to a top and a bottom — nor does it even have to refer to sex. The idea is that you do something for your partner without expecting or needing anything in return. Whether this be that you compliment your partner often, buy them flowers each time they die out, or even just make them coffee every morning. You’re doing it not for their pleasure but for your own — and this is exactly what Roan describes in the podcast.Â
What turned out to be a podcast about healthy sex discourse, Roan’s interpretation of service topping and the idea that it describes what sex is (or rather, what sex should be), can be seen as, to repeat what Yang said, a reset about how our world not only views and talks about sex, but how it actually unfolds. Because, if you’re going to have anyone over to get the job done, it should be the one who gives!