Relationships in college can be as exhilarating and transformative as they are incredibly confusing. Between navigating personal growth, academic pressures, and a chaotic social landscape, it’s common to question if your relationship is still serving you and your long-term goals, especially as graduation approaches. So, as you get ready to walk across that stage and into the next chapter of your life, it’s normal to ask yourself, Should I break up with my college partner?
College is a significant time for personal growth and to reflect on one’s identity: It’s a period of time where you’re learning outside of the environment you’ve spent most of your life in as you explore your values and future goals. But as you’re getting ready to move on, it’s important to distinguish if your relationship supports this journey, rather than holds you back from it. “I encourage students to check in with themselves about whether they feel that their needs are being fulfilled,” Dr. Erika Bach, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationships therapist, says. “This includes whether their partner is flexible and allows for curiosity and self-discovery, or whether the relationship feels prohibitive and restrictive.”
If you’re unsure that your relationship is allowing you to navigate your own personal goals, then it’s time to make a decision. It’s natural for people to evolve during college, but if your values no longer align, forcing the relationship to work isn’t effective.
According to Dr. Bach, the impact of a relationship on your college experience largely depends on the nature of the relationship itself. “Some students may prioritize a balance between their relationship, social life, and academics, while others may place a higher priority on their relationship,” she says. “I suggest that students reflect on their ideal balance and compare it to how they are actually spending their time.”
Recognize the Green Flags and the Red Flags
“There are several signs that a relationship might be positively influencing your life,” Bach explains. “That said, sometimes students know that the relationship they’re in isn’t healthy or sustainable.”
A healthy relationship should make you feel supported, both in college and beyond. If you can maintain a balance between your relationship, social life, and academics, it’s a sign of a positive dynamic. Open and frequent communication is key, and a supportive partner will encourage your independence and personal goals rather than hold you back.
On the other hand, red flags can indicate an unhealthy relationship. If your partner is controlling, jealous, or emotionally manipulative, it’s a cause for concern. Feeling unsupported in your academic or personal aspirations can also be a warning sign. Disagreements that consistently turn toxic or a relationship that causes more stress than happiness are signals that something isn’t right.
Most importantly, you don’t need to pinpoint specific red flags to justify leaving a relationship. If something feels off, that alone is a valid reason to step away and prioritize your well-being.
The Emotional Toll of a College Breakup
Breakups can be very tough, no matter what type of relationship you are in. It’s common to feel a mix of uncertainty, relief, sadness, or even anger. You have to remember your agency and give yourself some grace. “I believe that cutting contact (if possible) is the fastest way to move on (although more painful initially), but that is a personal decision,” Bach says.
Let yourself feel everything. It’s going to hurt, that’s inevitable. It’s just important to surround yourself with people who love and support you, like friends and family. “Remember that time heals all wounds, and to be patient – there is no set amount of time that you ‘should’ be over something,” Bach says. “Give yourself permission to take as much time as you need.”
At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself a couple of questions: Do your values and goals align? Do you still feel excited about the relationship? Does the relationship bring you more happiness or stress? Do you feel like it’s holding you back?
Overall, trust your gut. You know what’s best for you.