Picture this: it’s Saturday night, the groupchat with all your friends is blowing up about what bar is going to be the busiest tonight, and all you can think about is re-watching your favorite show with a cup of your favorite tea. Instead, you curl your hair, do your makeup, put on your cutest outfit and head out the door to meet your friends, despite the impending unproductive, hungover, stuck in bed Sunday that everyone dreads.
I’ve been there, and you probably have too. Sometimes partying with your friends can become an obligation rather than a source of pleasure and relief. Whether you’re scared of missing a good time (hello FOMO!), or don’t want your friends to think you’re lame, going out every weekend can quickly turn into something you dread. Combatting these feelings can be difficult, but there are a few ways that might help you restore your school-life balance and create a healthy relationship with nights out.
The first thing you have to get comfortable with is sometimes saying no to your friends, a.k.a. setting boundaries. Often we think of boundaries as something for romantic relationships but they are just as important for friendships. True friends will accept that sometimes you need a night to yourself or you have plans tomorrow that you want to feel your best for. If you’re afraid they will still be upset with you for not coming out, give a simple explanation for why you’ve decided to stay in. Remind them you value the invite and look forward to the next night out!
Next, get comfortable with your social battery! Your social battery is how long you can be in social situations without feeling depleted of energy and for some people, it can run out pretty quickly. If you think this is you, try making plans that won’t keep you out for hours on end or go somewhere you can easily leave if you feel overwhelmed. Make sure you have a ride home (Uber, drive, train or bus) and let your friends know that you’re heading out.
Finally, start small. Going out with huge groups of people at crowded places is a major source of social anxiety for many of us. Before you say yes to your friends, ask where you’re going and how many people will be there, so you can decide if the night out is right for you. Try to make plans with just a few friends at once for dinner or an activity that will allow you to have slower-paced quality-time with the people who are the most important to you.
Although we all dread some social obligations, making a few considerations before you leave the house can relieve so much pressure, even for the biggest introverts. Remind yourself that it’s okay to stay in sometimes and don’t forget to appreciate quality time with your friends on your own terms.