Breaking up is hard to do, but it is even harder when you are doing it with someone that you love. You may be wondering why someone would break up with their partner if they loved them, and I thought that myself as well. It took me months to come to the realization that as much you may love someone, you may not still be “in love.”
About two years ago, after getting out of a two-year relationship, I found myself on a dating app. Not necessarily to meet anyone, but the attention was nice, and it was a way to keep my mind busy. A few days into using it, I had started talking to a really nice and cute guy. He had aspirations, was a traveler and I found everything about him very attractive. After a couple months of dating we had become exclusive and I fell madly in love with him. We traveled a lot together, whether it be road trips to little towns or flights out of the country. And slowly, but surely, our relationship progressed. After a year and a half of dating, we moved in together. The excitement and new experiences started all over again and I was so happy to have found myself in the place I wanted to be with the man I wanted to be with. We had plans of engagement and marriage and kids and I could see my whole life with him. But as perfect as everything seemed, there were moments where I lost my happiness and sense of self. I didn’t feel like I was progressing as a person or in my career. I kept putting myself on the backburner and ignoring a lot of really important concerns and feelings that I was having.
I have always been the type of person to put a lot of pressure on myself. I’m someone who sets goals and accomplishes them. One of the ambitions that I had had in the last two years was to marry this man and have a future together. And I put a lot of pressure on myself to follow through with it. I liked his family and they liked me. I had told my friends and family how happy and serious our relationship was. People expected us to stay together, and so did I.
But within that time I also started thinking outside the box, outside the life I had built up inside my head, and I started to realize that maybe it wasn’t something I wanted any more. But why? Well, for starters, I felt like since we had moved in, we were better friends than lovers. I also started picking up old habits or activities that I used to do in my spare time and found myself really enjoying them. I started doing things that made me happy, and the more out of the house and busy I was, the less I thought about our relationship and the less pressure I had on myself. I started to realize that I was fine being alone and actually kind of liked having that space, control and freedom. It was exhilarating to think that if I was single, I could do anything I wanted and I wouldn’t affect anyone else.
And that’s when it hit me. I had never really been alone, and it scared me. That fear of being lonely and having no one to comfort me was terrifying. But I realized it was also something I wanted to conquer. I knew I needed to learn to be alone before I could truly be with someone. I didn’t want to worry that if we did get married and have kids and he left me or something happened that I would fall apart.
So I did it. I ended things. Yes, I still loved him and I still do. I consider him one of my closest friends and I wish him the best in life. But at the same time, I needed to be selfish. I came to the realization that it was my life, and no one else’s. I was in control and I had the power to make a decision. And here I am, sitting on my couch, alone in my apartment writing this article and truly having never been happier and more content with a decision. I won’t lie, it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but sometimes the hardest decisions in life give you the clearest mindset after. And if you are reading this and are in the same situation I was, searching for reasons or answers or posts on Google about how to breakup with someone, the answer is right in front of you.
Until next time keep your heads high and your wine glasses full (mine is to the brim at the moment).