Throughout my childhood, I’ve been told by many people that I’m “wise beyond my years.” I never really knew what that meant. Sometimes, it made me think I was growing up too fast, like maybe I was doing something wrong not being interested in the same things as other kids my age. Other times, it made me feel like I had a more philosophical approach on life, pridefully distancing myself from the superficial ideologies that drove my generation.
Now, as I reflect back on how I felt about certain things when I was younger, I realize that I was definitely not wise beyond my years. I was just a kid; a kid who held themselves to a much higher standard than they needed to, all because of what adults had told me based on their narrow perspective and limited view of who I was.
I found myself justifying when others caused me pain, reminding myself that I was just “wiser.” As one of the few Indian kids at my elementary school, my difference was magnified. I often felt out of place. Instead of considering how others actively excluded me, I told myself that they were too young to know any better, even though they were the same age as me.
This self-destructive habit became more and more common as I grew older. I made sense of broken friendships by telling myself that I expected too much in the first place. I made sense of bigotry with a lack of education, even though education was always accessible at the bigot’s fingertips. I made sense of people hurting me and my family, telling myself that difficult circumstances always justify harmful actions.
Recently, I’ve had plenty of “Lollipop Moments.” A lollipop moment is when someone says or does something that makes your life infinitely better, whether you consciously realize it or not (Dudley). Oftentimes, we discover that we’ve experienced a “Lollipop Moment” after it has already passed, making us feel a stronger sense of gratitude for the person that caused it, especially if they are no longer in our lives.
My Lollipop Moments have broken down the barriers that I have built up throughout my life. They’ve made me unlearn what I thought to be true and begin to value my sense of self like never before. I began to hold the world accountable, just as much as I had held myself accountable.
If I had the chance to speak to my younger self, I’d tell her about these lollipop moments. Not because they would change what has happened in my life, but because they might change my perspective on what does.
“You Need to Learn to Be Your Own Best Friend.“
There’s a chain around my neck with a little heart charm that has angel wings engraved on it. I never take it off.
My aunt passed away to COVID-19 in 2021 and she was (and still is) my favorite human being. We had a soul to soul connection, and whenever I was facing challenges with my friends growing up, I turned to her for guidance. When she told me to learn to be my own best friend, she wasn’t saying to prepare for loneliness. She was saying that you should never lead yourself to a state of dependency where you need others to emotionally validate you. Friends and partners can only add to your life. They can never be the source of it.
True Friendships Are Reciprocal, and They’ll Come When You Least Expect It.
In the past couple of years, I have made some of the most genuine friends I’ve had in my entire life. The friends who hold your hand in the cold, show up for you just to make you smile, and value every moment in your presence. The friends who respect your boundaries and know that life gets busy. The friends who are gleaming with joy when you succeed, are proud to see you in your element, and always want to make sure that you are just okay. Time spent with them isn’t draining, it’s fulfilling. These friends give tighter hugs and sit in comfortable silence for a bit longer than the rest. They came out of nowhere, and they’re here to stay.
Most importantly, you never find these friends and they never find you…the universe does the most beautifully perfect thing by bringing you together.
You Will Regret Much More of What You Didn’t Say Than What You Did.
You ever get those shower thoughts where you replay something that happened in your mind and think about how you could’ve handled it differently? When I was younger, I found myself falling into these “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” moments, never having the courage to truly speak my truth in the moment. But one thing to remember is that time is finite. Tell that person you love them. Tell that person that something they said or did bothered you, because a single dent in a relationship can lead to resentment.
“People Are More Interested in the Humanity of Who You Are Than the Excellence of Where You Get.”
In today’s day and age, we try so hard to be all those fancy adjectives. “Accomplished.” “Ambitious.” “Successful.” In reality, the greatest mark we’ll ever leave is on those around us. After all, “People won’t remember what you did, they won’t remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel” (Maya Angelou). We live on through the people who remember us, and we don’t get a second chance at a last impression.
Live and lead with kindness, always.
Keep Your “Sunflowers” Close, and Don’t Forget to Nurture Them.
A wise person once told me something really insightful about sunflowers. Sunflowers, like all plants, draw their energy from the sun. While some are able to turn to face the sun, others can’t find the light. When this happens, sunflowers face each other, sharing their energy to ensure mutual growth.
In the same way, some very special people are like sunflowers. They are our sources of light in states of darkness, and when it’s hard for us to show up, they show up for us. I am beyond grateful for the sunflowers in my life (you know who you are)!
I hope to be a source of light for you too.
To my younger self, remember that you’re doing alright. If you search for lollipop moments, you may realize that you’ve experienced many more than you thought.
Sunsets are beautiful because they’re our last little bit of light before darkness. Don’t forget to cherish every one.