How I spent my summer challenging my perfectionism
There is a running joke that when an interviewer asks about your biggest weakness, you should say perfectionism because it’s viewed as a sign of high achievement. However, as someone who struggles with perfectionism, I’ve found that it isn’t just about doing something perfectly. Sometimes, perfectionism can result in not doing something at all because you’re scared you won’t be good at it. It can lead to quitting prematurely because something isn’t going exactly as envisioned. It can make it harder to adapt because you have an idea of exactly how something has to be. This summer ended up challenging my perfectionistic tendencies. I knew I wanted this to be a summer of growth. I just didn’t expect that growth to be in my perfectionism.
My summer of imperfection started after an internship ghosted me. After my interview in early May, I had a clear vision of a summer spent in Madison working at this internship while also working at my school year barista job on weekends and spending time with my friends and boyfriend. I will admit that I spent way too long holding on to this vision and refusing to adapt when it became clear that I was not going to hear back from the internship. After finally accepting that I was going to spend my summer in Washington D.C. with my family, I had a new vision of moving from host to server at a restaurant where I had worked before. As with my internship, I clung to this idea long after it was clear that my restaurant would not be assigning me server shifts. Instead, I worked hosting and food-running shifts to learn the menu and potentially start serving the following summer.Â
Food running forced me to confront my perfectionism. After three years, I felt comfortable with hosting; I have good people and organizational skills, and they make me a good host. However, food running requires all that and more. To run food at a restaurant that can serve more than 1,000 people on a busy Sunday, you have to be able to hold and balance heavy trays and carry at least three plates at a time. You have to know how to find the coolest spots on burning hot plates. You have to be able to deal with 10 to-go orders at a time and remember what sauces and sides each dish requires.
My first week, I left every shift feeling increasingly frustrated and angry with myself. I consistently forgot dishes in to-go orders, I could only carry two plates at a time, and I couldn’t even balance an empty tray, let alone one that was filled with full plates. My biggest perfectionism-related fear was being the weakest link on a team and having to ask other people for help. With food running, I was the weakest link, and I was constantly asking for help. Every time someone came up to me, I was worried they were going to tell me I had messed something up. I kept debating whether to quit because of how anxious and frustrated I was getting. My turning point came when the assistant general manager told me at the end of a shift that she could see how hard I was trying and that I was doing great. Suddenly, my perfectionist fear of disappointing her by quitting was battling with my fear of being bad at food running.Â
I didn’t quit, as much as I wanted to on some days. I learned how to carry three plates at a time, balance mini trays, package to-go orders without forgetting anything, and find the coolest spots on hot plates. I’m not great at food running, but I figured out how to be valuable even when I couldn’t carry huge trays. Food running taught me teamwork and how not to panic under pressure. Most importantly, it taught me that I can challenge my perfectionism. Although I still struggle with perfectionism, I proved to myself that I can handle the unease that comes with stepping out of my comfort zone and struggling to be good at something. My summer did not go as I initially envisioned it, but it proved to be more valuable than I could have imagined.