The freedom I’ve discovered in working out for myself and not for society
Mindlessly scrolling through Instagram posts, TikTok videos and vacation highlights on Snapchat, I’m constantly noticing all the girls who post their bikini photos online. Growing up, I was always surrounded by the standard that women had to essentially have the body of a supermodel. I despised comparing myself to other people’s body sizes. I hated when other people saw me in bikinis. I hated the extra fat that hung out when I wore tight clothes to the gym. I was always told to workout to lose weight. Fitness studios and gyms would advertise ways to “get to your dream body”. Fitness drinks would advertise that you could lose weight by drinking their products. I realized I was working out for other people. I was trying to fit into society’s standards.
During quarantine, Chloe Ting, a popular YouTuber at the time, would frequently post videos on how to gain abs in two weeks. Her videos went viral. It seemed like every girl on social media was following her and posting their progress after doing Ting’s routines. And I, of course, followed suit. It was quarantine. Everyone was stuck inside their homes. You could either do a puzzle with your parents or scroll aimlessly on TikTok for hours on end. And I can’t say I wasn’t drawn to the fact that I might be able to gain abs in 2 weeks. During this time, I became OBSESSED with working out. I was able to work out alone, with no judgment from others. I started working out too much and became obsessed with the results I was quickly seeing.
This obviously was a super unhealthy mindset and habit I needed to break. I lost about 20 pounds within a few weeks because I stopped eating my normal diet to help build my “dream” body. When quarantine came to an end and I reentered the real world, I started going for hot girl walks, trying new workout classes and even started working at a fitness studio. I allowed myself to be open minded to trying new things and starting a fresh relationship with the fitness industry.
The more I worked out, the more I saw an improvement in my mental health. I had a clear mind, I was more motivated and I was loving the results I was seeing. But not on my body. I didn’t even care if I had lost or gained weight. All I cared about was how confident I was when I walked into a fitness studio. I would wear a cute matching set and not even care if I had extra fat that would roll over my leggings. This journey was long, stressful and confusing to navigate, but I’m so happy with where I’m at now.