It is so easy to be a people pleaser. If you say yes to something that you really want to say no to, it will make the other person happy and that’s all that matters, right?
It has been my method of survival for the majority of my life. I was outspoken at home but when I stepped out of the confines of my four walls, I was an insecure “don’t-worry-I-can-do-it” girl. If I say whatever makes others happy and do whatever puts a smile on their faces, I can avoid any confrontation and quietly slip by unnoticed. My goal was to cause as little fuss as possible. If someone was in the wrong and I knew it, I would apologize anyway. Why? It was easier.
I don’t want easy anymore.
I am happier now than I have been my entire 18 years of life on this Earth. Why? I know me. I know myself and I know what I like and do not like. And I’ve learned that I do not have to tolerate anything in between. If you’re just being a “yes” person just to get by, this is the blog post to show you that you do not have to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
I do not care if I hurt someone’s feelings.
That sounds harsh. Let me try to give this a further explanation without sounding like a complete narcissist. I do not care if I make someone unhappy when they’re deliberately going out of their way to bring me down. I learned this in ninth grade. I was surrounded by people who made me laugh time to time, but never brought me happiness. It was always something with them.
One day, one of my friends had decided she just didn’t like me anymore. No warning, no reason, she just didn’t like me anymore. She ignored me and rolled her eyes at me endlessly. Then she just didn’t talk to me anymore. I was so hurt. What did I do? I thought. What’s so wrong with me that I lost one of my best friends? I grew sad about the situation. It was something that I couldn’t understand and it hurt so badly. Months later, she started talking to me again. She blamed the fallout on someone else, and I accepted her apology and I apologized too.
I apologized for no reason at all. I just decided to do it because I didn’t like change. I didn’t like people not liking me. So I apologized and we were friends again. Until it happened all over again. But this time, I decided I was not disposable. I was not a video game you pick up only when you feel like playing it and neglect it the rest of the time. If you bought me, then I’m here to stay and if you don’t like me, let someone else buy me. But when you sell me, you better increase the price because I’m worth it. I moved on and moved on to better people and healthier friendships. I wish her the best in everything she does, but when you deliberately bring me down, BYE FELICIA.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works: my soul knows it very well.”
– Psalm 139:13-14
God made you to do great things (doubling down under pressure is not one of them). The Bible tells us that we were all made in His image. We are so wonderful that settling for anything less than our worth is an insult to ourselves and to Him. He wants you to be all that He designed you to be.
I can come off as just plain rude.
I mean no harm, really. But because my kindness has been taken for weakness so many times, I just got tired of it. If you ask me for my opinion, you will get just that. I understand it may not be what you want it to be, but YOU ASKED. But honestly, anyone who gets mad at you stating the opinion they asked for is too childish for you to be around anyway. But I am blunt because I respect you enough to tell you the truth.
“Girl, that shirt does not look good on you” “He isn’t good for you” “I don’t want to go to that.”
This is not me being mean, I’m being respectful! I love you too much to have you out here looking like a fool!!
“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
– John 8:32
This is a motto. Keep this close when somebody get mad at you for BEING RESPECTFUL.
My happiness is more important than someone’s comfort.
I’ve always been an unhappy person. I would see someone laughing or smiling and wish I could be as happy as them. I didn’t know that I was keeping myself from happiness. I wanted others to be comfortable around me and I wanted them to like me. Not everyone can like me. When I got to high school I learned that and now that I’ve entered college I will probably learn the same lesson all over again. But I will have the wisdom that my happiness should not be sacrificed in order to make others comfortable. When I first started speaking out, people thought I was having a bad day. It wasn’t that I was rude, I had made them uncomfortable. And when you make people uncomfortable, it helps weed out the fake people around you. If you’re a “yes” person, some people are only around you for the benefit of you doing hat ever they want.
They’re the first ones to leave when you start doing things for yourself. “She must be having a bad day” they say or, “She switched up on us.” That was the first time I learned that if you start living for yourself and taking care of yourself, people will wish for your failure. When I first made my blog, so many people called it dumb. But when people started liking the things I posted, they got mad. It makes them uncomfortable. But if you’re happy, no one’s uncomfortable can measure.
“Of course, your former friends are surprised when you no longer plunge into the flood of wild and destructive things they do. So they slander you.”
– 1 Peter 4:4
When you live for yourself and model yourself in the image of Christ, you are destined to have haters. Christ himself had dozens of people who wanted Him to fail and didn’t believe in Him. So much so, that they crucified Him. So don’t be discouraged when people wish failure on you, because their bad wishes are no match for God’s plans for you.
“Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were sill trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.”
– Galatians 1:10
God doesn’t want you to be a “yes” person. He wants you to be the person He destined you to be. As vague as that sounds, only you and God know the person He wants you to be. We find out at different stages in our lives by the trials He gives us and the talents He puts in our possession. He wants us all to be His servants and fulfill His plans. People can tell you who you should be and what you should do, but God always wins in the end.