How Do I deal with a Breakup in College?

woman lying in white bed  Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy from Unsplash

First things first is: cry.

I know it sounds really gloomy when I say it like that, but hear me out. Allow yourself to express any and every emotion you feel and not let it be bottled up. Do not let anyone tell you that you are too strong to cry because that is a lie. A lot of times people will not let others know how they are feeling. I learned the hard way when you do not express your feeling the pain only gets worse. So go somewhere or take a drive and park your car and just scream and cry and do whatever it takes. Let your emotions shine through this one time because after this all the pain seems to disappear. It is like my mom used to say you will so much better when you throw up when your sick. Yes no one wants to throw up but you honestly feel alot better after the fact. 

Do not stalk their social media.

I know it is very tempting to look up on Instagram and Snapchat and see what they are doing. This also means sending "streaks and just sending it to that one person or making your story directed towards them. I call it a blessing in disguise that the day after we broke up I was locked out of my instagram account.  It is only going to hurt more when you watch them slowly delete your pictures together and show themselves happy. without you I learned the hard way when he posted himself out to dinner on Snapchat with a female friend four days after he dumped me and posted it to his story and to a group chat we both shared. I know he did not mean to hurt me but it sure as heck felt like it. This made me relapse and realize that unfriending him for a while would be for the best to get over him and grow. So when it does get to the point they are holding hands on campus their newfound later in life love it won't hurt or even if you guys get back together you won't hold any grudges.I was finally able to refriend him and when I did I realized that seeing his name pop up on my screen in our friends group chat did not hurt like it used to. I know it is hard but I promise you do not need to see a snap of him on campus with his friends. 

Do not blow their phone up.

This is on the same level as social media but more direct. I know it is tempting to want to yell at them and let all your feelings out about them but I am going, to be honest, in the end, you will just feel stupid even if you are not. Even if you want to apologize do not do it. Do call them and try to figure out what went wrong because if they really want you back they will reach out to you, you do not have to chase them down. Do not cry to them and beg for them to take you back because 99% of the time if they broke up with you their mind is made up. Sometimes things are meant to reach their destination and crying to them everyday will only drive them away. On the same note, do not go to their dorm. Even if you are just trying to “return their things” because especially if your wound is not healed it will burn. 

Friend Groups.

The issue with dating on campus is a lot of times you share the same friend group. A mistake I made is pouring out my feelings to people who were more on his side than mine so anything I said no matter how personal was reported back to my ex. So now he thinks that I was talking behind his back but truly I was trying to express how I was hurting. A solution is having a group of people such as family or friends you guys do not share so you know they will not hurt you. I know it is hard because you want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but you have to put yourself first and realize that not everyone has your best interest at heart. 

Do not immediately resort to hookups.

This is something that I had to tell myself that. Especially at the beginning stages of heart break it is easy to jump to the next guy who looks your way. You can not convince yourself that every guy is your new prince charming. You will never heal hoping from bed to bed because when it hits you, it will hit you like a wave. You have to give yourself time to heal and whatever is meant for you will come to you. 

 

 

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What to do AFTER a break up.

Now let me tell you what to do. Make a playlist of all the songs to cry to and one to make you feel like a boss when you are over them. I cried and sung as loud as possible the lyrics to irreplaceable by Beyonce and I never felt better. Do things that you used to do before the relationship to show yourself you still got it. If they hated you watching your favorite comedians watch it on full volume, if they hated that you wore makeup beat that face, and if they hated the way you sung scream those lyrics at the top of your lungs. Practice a hobby. Do something that you love such as doing makeup. Go for a drive, get your nails and hair done. Do some retail therapy and become your biggest fan. Make time for yourself and make yourself feel special. If you can afford it travel to somewhere and get away.  Another thing that does not avoid your daily routine. I know it is easy to try and avoid said person on campus but you can not let it get to you. Also do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better even if that means burning all their things or removing them from your life completely. Do not let anyone shame you for your healing. process I had so many people get upset with me for letting him "throw me off my game" but this isn't football. If you need to step back and take a break do that. Also realize what works for some people may not work for you. My mom gets over breakups by reminding herself of everything she does not like about them.

Remind yourself of your worth.

Let yourself know this person missed out on something amazing and you do not need them to survive. I definitely know all of this is easier said then done because I broke all these rules but it is worth it.At the end of the day do not beat yourself up for it. Do not beat yourself up for how it ended, how it started, or how you want to fix it. At the end of the day, you are worth so much more than constantly putting yourself down for something you can not change. If they are your soulmate they will come back to you and if they don’t who gives a crap. They left you and you are beautiful and special from your head to your toes. In the end, this is just a chapter in your story, and the most important character is you.