Throughout my life, I have never been below 190 lbs. I was always seen as the “big girl” or the “fat girl” in in middle school.
I wore a size 18, I always had to order X-Large shirts, and I could never fit into the Abercrombie & Fitch clothes that everyone wore back in middle school. Overall, it was just an awkward, bad stage in my life.
When I entered high school and my freshman year rolled around, I was still seen as the “big girl”, but it eventually died down.
As high school continued I started wearing smaller sizes and feeling very confident with myself, but I still considered myself to be big. During my junior and senior year I weighed 210lbs, but I was always exercising and eating healthily so by the end of my senior year, I felt even more confident in myself and all that I had accomplished. It didn’t matter about the number on the scale–I was happy and content with my body. I felt smaller and no longer felt like the “big girl” that I was back in middle school and the beginning of high school.
After I graduated, I went to Germany for three weeks as part of an exchange program with my school and this was the first time I had been overseas, unaware of the different lifestyle Europeans have. Both male and female Germans are petite, healthy and athletic.
I got to Germany and got all settled in, and I was having a wonderful time. I was going to school and hanging out with my exchange partner and her friends daily, and they were all different sizes than I was. Because of this, through their eyes, I was considered “bigger”.
Getting into our second week in Germany, one of the other American students on the trip told the group that she heard young German boys talking about the American students, and she told us that they were describing us. She was telling us what they said and quoted, “…and the fat girl with brown hair”. I immediately knew that they were talking about me because I was the only big girl on the exchange.
Hearing this comment brought me to tears. The last time I was called fat was back in middle school, when the children were cruel and immature. I was completely distraught and my confidence spiraled down. But luckily this insecurity didn’t last for a long time.
After hearing this comment I realized that with the help of my parents and my exchange partner, that I shouldn’t be listening to any German boys. Not only that, but I realized I shouldn’t be listening to anyone else’s opinions. I knew I was beautiful and that I was worth so much more than stupid comments.
Following this exchange, my confidence level and self-esteem were higher and better than it ever was. I continued the rest of my trip with my head held high, shoulders back and a smile on my face. I knew then that I was beautiful and didn’t need anyone to tell me differently.
Then when I came to college, I realized that there were young women of all shapes and sizes who were flaunting every inch of what they’re mama gave them and it gave me the confidence boost to do the same thing. I realized that I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t blessed with a naturally tiny body, and by accepting this I finally reached the highest level of self-confidence and accepted myself for who I am.
Since the beginning of 2016, I swim and work out on a daily basis. I eat about two salads a day. I wear a size 14 pant and a medium or large shirt. My greatest asset is my confidence and I love my body for everything it is.
I have stopped listening to society and started listening to my heart.
I am beautiful.
I am strong.
I am a confident young woman.
I am me and I love every inch of who I am–and you should too.
You are also beautiful, strong, and confident. You can’t let anyone tell you your worth, and you can’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t beautiful because that simply isn’t true.
You are simply wonderful, and you must never forget that.