To the boy who broke me, I am ok now.
It has taken me a long time to be okay with the history we had, the love we shared, and the messed-up things you did to me leading up to our breakup and after the fact. It was hard to look at you and remember all the amazing memories we shared, but only see the shell of someone I use to love.
You were my person, we had plans for our lives. Then, within a matter of a month that was all gone. Any hope I had for us had finally vanished.
This break up began the lowest point of my life. It was not entirely your fault. At this time, I had some wrong with me, a chemical imbalance of such.
The days kept going by, and while my life was trying to get better, you were only making it harder. I constantly heard the horrible things you said about me and I saw you with the new girl you jumped to within a few weeks of us officially ending things. I couldn’t understand how someone who use to tell me they wanted to spend the rest of their life with me, could do an entire one-eighty and break my heart in half.
It took months of healing, praying, and trying to understand what was happening to me and what was going on in my head surrounding this. I slowly began to get stronger. I started working on making myself better. Instead of focusing so intensely on the one-eighty you pulled on me, I did my own one-eighty.
I am here to tell you now, I am doing so much better than I ever have been. You broke me and received so much satisfaction in doing so. You never thought I would be okay without you… I felt the same way for a while, until I took a step back and realized who the hell I was.
I have spent the past year of my life turning myself into the best version of me. Originally, it began because I wanted the satisfaction of being able to say, “look how good I am doing without you”. Once I started this journey, I couldn’t stop and suddenly it had NOTHING to do with you.
I began turning into the best me…I sought the help I needed, I started eating healthier, running more, and learning to love myself again. I rebuilt friendships that our unhealthy relationship had taken from me. I did not need you in order to be confident or build me up, I had plenty of nontoxic people surrounding me to hold me up instead.
I realized throughout my journey that I did not need you to make me feel loved. I was too busy fiercely loving myself to even care about where you had gone.