Often, I find myself agreeing to do things I do not actually want to do. Unfortunately, if everyone else in a group thinks it’s a good idea, I will pretend to as well, just to make everybody happy. Or, if someone asks me for a favor that will stress me out or isn’t an easy task, I will often agree anyways. Selflessness is a great quality to have, but once it starts to impede on your own happiness and wellbeing, it can be more of a curse. So how do you put your own needs first, without feeling guilty?
1. Take other’s opinions of you with a grain of salt
If you are putting other’s needs above your own, it is often because you want them to have a good opinion of you. It’s okay to want to be seen as a reliable, dependent or caring person but there are ways to do this without bending over backwards to help someone. Instead of seeking validation from your peers, allow yourself to be you, without meeting anyone else’s standards or expectations. Allow yourself to be judged and understand that the only one that can define you is you. Once you stop holding other people’s opinions of you in such high regard, you will find it much easier to prioritize yourself.
2. Set boundaries and be assertive
Healthy boundaries are the key to allowing yourself to put your own needs first. Know what you feel comfortable doing and make sure everyone else knows when they’ve crossed a line. We show others how to treat us when we are assertive or passive in our boundaries. If you are passive and take barely any convincing to change your mind, people will think its okay to always go to you for help. If you are assertive, people will pick up on what you will or will not accept.
3. Communicate your thoughts
If you are going to decline a task, you need to have a reason as to why you are doing so. If your reason is flimsy, people will try to get around it and make you help them anyways. This is why you need to effectively communicate why you will not partake in something. These reasonings, although sound, can also be vague. “I have too much on my plate right now” or “thank you, but I have to decline” do not exactly explain why you are turning the person down, but they are effective because they leave no room for negotiations.
All in all, make sure to love yourself. None of us are perfect, we all have feelings and we all don’t want to do things sometimes. Once you recognize that this trait is universal and see others are just as imperfect as you are, you can prioritize yourself first.