We were best friends. We could tell each other anything. We were in love. I was more comfortable with him than I was with anyone else in my life. We could spend hours together and not get tired of each other. Maybe it was easier because the relationship was long distance, so we took advantage of all of our moments together.
But it wasn’t always good. I never thought anything was wrong, but I guess it’s hard to notice the bad things when you’re blinded by love.
I thought maybe the manipulation started when I turned 19, and I started going out to bars. I had to make sure that even while I was out I was responding to his text messages as soon as possible. If I didn’t respond to his texts he would start a fight, and my night would be ruined.
But, I think the manipulation actually started before we started dating. It was high school and he liked to play games. He did so many things that made it clear that he was interested in me, but then acted like he didn’t like me around other people. He didn’t want to commit to a relationship, but wouldn’t let me be with anyone else.
As time went on in our relationship, his insecurities grew stronger. In his eyes, I wasn’t allowed to have close guys friends. He managed to make me feel bad about being too close to guys and being “too friendly”.
I found myself apologizing for things that weren’t even my fault. He would be mad at me and I would somehow be manipulated into apologizing for absolutely nothing. On the flip side, when I got an apology from him it was in words of “sorry that you feel that way”. Nothing irritated me more than hearing those words. He didn’t take responsibility for his actions, but instead made me feel bad about having feelings and opinions.
It wasn’t entirely bad, of course. Call me naïve but the good seemed to outweigh the bad, and that’s why I stayed. Eventually, though, I grew tired of being manipulated and couldn’t stand to fight anymore for things to change. Looking back, I never noticed that these things were bad while they happened, but now I notice it all.
A relationship like that is not healthy, but, as cheesy as it sounds, it helped me become the person I am today. I find now that I’m happier than I was during those 3 years. With that being said, I will never discredit, or regret, those 3 years. Being in a relationship like this taught me a lot about myself. I learned how to stand up for myself, and I now know when others are manipulating me. I also now know what I deserve in a partner, and how I should be treated.
I think it’s important to be aware of these things and to talk about them. If you’ve gone through something like this, or know someone who is, don’t be afraid to talk about it with someone; we can all learn from our past experiences.