It was late December on the night of my last exam, I had just finished off my first semester in university and decided to go out to celebrate. Although I knew a variant had suddenly popped out of the cracks, I wasn’t too concerned about going out to Ethel’s Lounge––I had been going out frequently to restaurants again since the last lockdown–––and I had been dodging COVID for nearly two years, so what was one more night out?
Well, as it turned out, I did get COVID from that one night out. The “plague” as I jokingly call it, had finally caught me! After my night at Ethel’s, I went home for the winter break and immediately started to doubt my decision to come back. I felt off both physically and mentally, but I didn’t have any symptoms, so I told myself I was just paranoid even though my gut was telling me I had COVID. I was so excited to see my friends and family that I dismissed it.
Around Christmas, I started to experience noticeable symptoms of Omicron: runny nose, sneezing, scratchy throat, headaches and coughing, yet they weren’t persistent enough to make me believe I was sick. I didn’t believe that I was actually sick until what was probably my fifth day of having COVID and of course that was after I had seen my entire family and many friends.
I woke up one morning and felt achy, so I took a rapid test, went to brush my teeth and stood at my door, watching the red line rush across the test kit, and damn… those two red lines indicating a positive result were dark red. After some foul language was dropped, I went and called everyone I had been in contact with.
Fortunately, only four people I had been with ended up testing positive, but my heart ached for my dad, stepmom and grandparents, whom I had unknowingly made very sick. I think this was when my anxiety escalated. I had told myself that I would be fine if I got COVID, but seeing my family members get ill, especially those who are immunocompromised, made me worry. On top of that, my infection had some funky symptoms, including a rash and awful chest tightness. I began having trouble sleeping because I was worried about my breathing. It’s one thing to have chest tightness from a cough, but another to show no sinus symptoms and still feel like there’s a cement brick on your chest.
Luckily, my family and I recovered from COVID in about ten days. I was very relieved that it was over. I thought that that was the end of my worrying and anxiety because my family and I had recovered. We didn’t need to feel like we had to be extra cautious anymore because of natural immunity.
However, after my infection, I noticed that I was still experiencing some lingering symptoms such as fatigue, shortness of breath, headaches and heart palpitations. The heart palpitations spooked me. I would be sitting on the couch doing schoolwork, and all of a sudden, my heart rate would accelerate. These symptoms were very up and down, but still gave me a lot of anxiety surrounding my physical health. Anytime I felt these symptoms, I would start to panic and think: “You have COVID again,” “you’re having a heart attack” or “you are never going to get better.” Although it has been just over two months since my infection, these symptoms have just started to subside.
Additionally, having COVID has affected my social life. I’ve been very anxious to go out into big crowds again because I’m worried about reinfection, but I have also been concerned about not making time for my friends or being seen as not “fun enough” if I chose to stay home. The fear and anxiety are intense enough for me to imagine symptoms even after going out with a couple of friends for dinner.
I also know that many people who say that having COVID is like having a cold, and I was one of those people who believed that before I got infected. I understand why people who had mild cases of COVID would think that that’s okay, but I had a rough time dealing with it. My anxiety makes me feel that my fear about reinfection and hesitancy to go out is irrational.
At the same time, COVID isn’t going away anytime soon, or that seems to be what the government is telling us. They’ve been saying that “we’re just going to have to learn to deal with it,” so I’ve been pushing myself to accept that I could get COVID again in the future, and it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t stop living my life, however, it’s hard to relax when I’ve learned I’ve been in close contact with someone who has COVID and wonder when I will feel that scratchy throat again.
The worrying and anxiety that I suck myself into have been debilitating for my mental and physical health, work, school grades and social life. I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up for feeling anxious and thinking that I’m not good enough or strong enough to get through this low in my life. I miss being able to do all of the activities I love without having to give 100% of my energy.
Anyways, now that I’ve vented about my anxiety after having COVID, I will say that things have gotten better. Now that my long-lasting symptoms are dissipating and Omicron cases continue to decline, I’ve felt relatively back to my usual self and am working my way up to going out again, but I want to be safer.
I’m thinking that once this semester is over and the weather is warm and sunny, it will also be great for my mental health and ease my anxiety about reinfection or getting others sick again.
To further boost my mental health, I’ve been speaking to a therapist, chatting with others online about their COVID experiences, going on walks, reading and spending time staying in the loop with family and friends!
I