I would argue that moving away from a best friend is one of the most challenging losses to overcome. When my best friend and I moved away for school, there was no doubt that we would keep in touch; texting and calling everyday was like a routine. However, it did not sink in until about a month in, that living away from each other was going to be the reality for the foreseeable future. A side effect of being apart was that it felt like there was little in common to talk about, we could no longer share the small things such as getting coffee together or going on late night drives. Similarly, our social circles changed, creating a further disconnect between our lives., Both of us would mention names of new people we had met, but it’s not the same. Even though we have only been apart for half a year, there is a lot I have learned about myself in terms of the way I deal with friendships.
Friendships evolve, and that does not make them any less meaningful or important. As we get busier with school and general life responsibilities, life updates dwindle. At first, I internalized this and felt a pang of doubt. Is she mad at me? Did I say something on our last call? But I realized that my texting patterns were equally as infrequent. I got used to the consistency of our texting, sending messages every 10 minutes in the day but this frequency no longer has to be the reality. Life, especially in the pandemic, has taken a toll on our mental health. Oftentimes, it is not that we have nothing to say to one another, but the stress of school makes us too tired to talk. And that is completely okay.
Building new lives is time-consuming and anxiety-inducing. Finding the balance between wanting to move forward in life, leaving the memories of high school behind while maintaining the meaningful friendships I made during that time is challenging. I never want to feel like I am caught up in the past. This transitionary era of life requires mutual empathy and managing expectations. No matter how prepared and ready I thought I was to move out of my parents’ house, I encounter a host of new hurdles every day. Remembering that my best friend is going through the same thing is reassuring and that in a way allows us to keep a stronger friendship.
Having time apart is good in the way that we can individually grow our own personalities. It is comforting to know that when we see each other during reading week or Christmas break it feels like nothing changed. The bright side of speaking less frequently is knowing that there is more to say when we do come together, it’s like we have more energy for one another. Sometimes I think about where our friendship will be in two, three or five years down the line. I hope we are still in each other’s lives in some capacity. But I know no matter what, the evolution of our friendship – wherever that may lead – will be for the best.