One of the hardest parts of having a mental illness is getting the diagnosis. It means you have to acknowledge that something is wrong and that you aren’t okay. You can’t ignore the issue anymore because now you know there is an issue for sure. Suffice to say, accepting you have a mental illness is tough.
When I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I was scared. I didn’t have the depression and anxiety combo I had assumed, and I didn’t even have the bipolar diagnosis I had originally been seeking. Instead, I had a cluster b personality disorder characterized by its strong emotions. I had just gotten a diagnosis that came with a whole lot of stigma. It explained a lot, but it also came with new baggage. For a while, I felt more lost and damaged than ever. You see, there are a lot of negative stereotypes revolving around people with my disorder and I was terrified I exemplified these stereotypes. It made accepting I was mentally ill a lot more difficult.
Now, it’s been just under a year since my diagnosis and I’ve finally accepted I’m mentally ill. It was a process, but now I’m at peace with a large part of me that felt broken beyond repair. I can easily look back on my journey and tell you what exactly helped get me here.
Recognizing you are not your illness.
One of the hardest things for me was realizing I wasn’t a textbook case of the bad thing I was diagnosed with. Not that my disorder is inherently bad or evil, or that I am for having it, but it has a lot of negative impacts on my life. Recognizing that my diagnosis had nuances and intricate little details that varied on a case-by-case basis helped me feel human. I wasn’t my diagnosis, I just had it. Just like how people aren’t their appearance, I wasn’t my diagnosis. Recognizing that I am still a person even if I have this thing that could make my life a living hell helped me come to terms with the fact I had an extra obstacle between myself and happiness.
Allowing yourself time to mourn.
It sounds silly to say, but you will need time to mourn. You could have been expecting a certain diagnosis and it will still hit you hard. It’s one thing to be prepared to receive news and it’s another to actually receive it. Let yourself feel broken and beaten and process the pain for no reason other than to feel it because it needs to be felt. Getting a mental health diagnosis is both a relief and devastating because you finally know why you feel this way, but oh my god, why do I have to feel this way.
Being open with how this impacts your life.
Acknowledge that things are going to have to change. From your day-to-day habits to the way you talk to yourself, you are going to have to change a lot. If you hide from this fact, it’s a lot harder to accept that something is wrong. Recognizing what your diagnosis means for you is a big part in healing.
Overall, accepting you have a mental illness is a personal journey. Things that worked for me might not work for you. That’s okay, as it’s part of the process. Just give yourself time.