Setting New Year’s resolutions is a popular way to start off the year. A common one we like to start is staying away from those “toxic” relationships; blocking mean people on social media, cutting out bad friends, dumping that not-so-nice significant other, and sometimes even cutting out members of our family. But, we don’t often look at how we can be the toxic one in our own lives. Here are a few ways to make sure we start out 2018 in the best way!
1. Forgive Yourself and Others
Treat this almost like a detox from last year. Get rid of any resentment towards people and forgive and forget. You can’t move on from your old self and move towards a better you without first mending the wounds that are already there. Take some time to reach out, if you can, to someone who might have hurt you or who you might have hurt, and talk out what happened You could end up with a better, stronger friendship! Don’t worry if that’s not possible, you can still forgive without seeing that person. It’s also important to forgive yourself. Recognize what you did wrong, acknowledge that and commit yourself to changing that behaviour.
2. Tell the Truth
Telling the truth can be a total game changer. It doesn’t always mean stop lying, it can also mean to start telling your truth to the people around you. When you’re upset about something someone said or did, tell them. Let them know how it made you feel and be honest. This will stop you from holding resentment and can be a quick way to avoid conflict and any problems in the future!
3. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People
We all have insecurities and a huge driver of those can be when we compare ourselves to the people around us. Who has more friends? Who has better clothes? Who’s better looking? Who’s smarter? All of these and more can lead to housing resentment and jealousy, and even in reverse give us a conflated ego, leaving us to think we are better than others. It is important to remember that everyone is different and those differences are good! Your value is not calculated based on what someone else’s is!
4. Don’t Test People
We’ve all done this in some way, shape or form. We want the people in our lives to care about us and sometimes they don’t show it in a way we understand, so we test them. We put ourselves in difficult, sometimes dangerous, situations waiting for the important people in our lives to save us. We put ourselves down, hoping for them to tell us we are wrong and talk about how great we are. This is a big way we make our relationships toxic. When we do this, we force the people in our lives to work harder than they should to prove to us they like or love us. We put ourselves at risk of hearing what we don’t want to hear and create narratives around ourselves and the people in our lives that are untrue.
5. Take Time for Yourself
Self-care is so, so important. Giving yourself time to relax and take a break allows you to reflect and recharge. It doesn’t matter if it means taking a bath, reading your favourite book, cleaning your room, creating some art, binging your favourite show, taking yourself out to lunch or anything else. Taking the time to focus on you will put you in a better mood, and create some positivity in your life!
6. Don’t Blame Other People for What is Out of Everyone’s Control
Life is unpredictable, and sometimes things come up that we don’t see coming. These unexpected things can be good, like finding five dollars on the side of the road, and sometimes it isn’t so great. When this happens, we often want to find someone or something to blame. This can make us feel better in the moment, but in the long run, it’ll only make it worse. Putting the blame on someone for something out of everyone’s control can put a strain on other’s lives and bring negativity into yours. Instead, focus your energy on solving the problem!
7. Take Time to Ask Questions – and Never Assume
Remember the common phrase “when you assume, you make …” well, you know the rest. This is a good motto to live by. When we assume how someone is feeling, what they are thinking, or why they are doing what they’re doing, we take away their control over their own story. To make sure our relationships are happy and healthy, we have to let others tell us how they feel, what they think, etc. The best way to do this is to ask questions. When we do this, we show that we care, and lower the risk of conflict!
8. Talk to a Professional
A great way to make sure you are living your best life and being your best self is to talk to a professional. Take the time to see a counsellor or a therapist to talk about the things going on in your life, good or bad. Talking to a professional gives us an unbiased and educated opinion that can help us work through our problems. They can give us the tools to live our lives to the fullest and avoid unhealthy behaviour!