Are We Sluts?

Women need an emotional connection to have sex. At least that’s what I’ve read. I could link to a source but I literally wouldn’t know where to start (maybe every romantic comedy ever?). But anyway, that’s the myth: men can have as much sex as they want and then pack up and leave without ever thinking of their partner again, but women get attached, develop feelings, need connection.

What does this mean for those women who engage in hookup culture? We have profiles on Tinder, go out with the sole intention of kissing cute boys in clubs, keep a private stash of condoms in our bedside table. If we’re successfully navigating the tides of casual sex without emotion, are we sluts?

Since our first exposure to Samantha Jones and her infamously unapologetic have-sex-like-a-man way of life, we’re taking our sexuality by the balls and leaving our emotions out of it. If Sam can have a successful career, a bomb sense of style, and a different, perfectly sculpted man in and out of her bed on the nightly, why can’t we?

Urban Dictionary defines “slut” as “a woman with the morals of a man.” In that case, I guess my late night “what’s up” texts and awkward “I’m really not looking for anything serious” break-up chats have solidified my fate. But the thing is, we’re not having sex “like a man.”

If we were, we wouldn’t be setting alarms for birth control pills and worrying about every period that’s one hour late. We wouldn’t spend five minutes in the shower every morning contemplating whether we should shave or not (then regretting it later when we don’t). We wouldn’t carry emergency makeup remover in our purses to deal with the oh-so-flattering raccoon eyes after a “spontaneous” all-nighter at his place. We wouldn’t be dodging the male assumption that, because we’re girls, we must be looking for something serious.

As women who have “sex like men,” we’re juggling the stigma, the slut-shaming, and the internal moral crisis of whether it’s rude to ask him to leave post-coital when we just want to starfish in our queen-sized bed alone. Because we are girls, we’re shamed, condemned and labeled sluts for openly enjoying sex, while the unapologetically sexual male figure is deemed socially acceptable, applaudable even.

So when I say we’re women having “sex like men,” I mean we’re women having sex when we feel like it, with whom we want to, without any guilt attached to it. Without excuses. Without apology. And maybe that makes us sluts, but at least we’re getting laid.

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