I got my first rejection from graduate school last week.
At first, I was pretty disappointed. After all, I had a plan! This wasn’t how the plan was supposed to go!
But I realized, and I think that I already knew, that I had applied to these programs as a backup plan. They were my plan B. The programs were definitely in fields that I am interested in, but I didn’t necessarily want to do those programs. And if I had gotten accepted, I probably would have gone into those programs while I “figured out what I wanted to do.”
Now, having been rejected from those programs, I’ve been able to realize what I want to do. What I actually want to do. Not what I want to do as a backup plan, or as something to do until something better comes along. I can do something that I am passionate about, I can go wherever I want and meet new people and travel and explore and write and make sure that every part of my soul is satisfied.
In the end, I think I was more upset by the rejection itself than I was about being rejected to those programs. Rejection sucks. Rejection hurts. But I’m thankful for the momentary hurt of the rejection, because without it, I probably would have gone into those programs and done something I wasn’t passionate about while I goofed around instead of going out and searching for my passions. And that’s a waste of my time and theirs.
I am excited to graduate, and I’m excited to find my passions and my tribe. I’m so thankful for the people in my life who remind me that they will support me no matter what, and that I shouldn’t be so terrified of disappointing them. The people that I’m so scared of disappointing are the people who have my back no matter what. And if I’m living my life stuck in that fear of disappointment, then there’s no way that I can try new things and figure out what I’m doing.
If you’re in this place, and freaked out about rejection, relax. Think about what your passions are. Maybe spend some time working or interning or travelling. You’re going to figure it out. You don’t have to figure it out today, or this week, but you will figure it out. Try not to think about what other people are doing, or what other people expect of you. Social media can make this tough, because everyone feels like they have to post every acceptance that they get on Facebook. And seeing that when you’re in a hard place sucks, obviously. Keep your head up. Unfollow anyone on Facebook who’s a little bit too preachy about their life.
Everything always has a way of working out in the end. If it’s not working out, it’s not the end.