The majority of people who have been through long-distance relationships (LDR) will tell you—don’t do it unless you’re committed. This typically creates sentiments of fear from all those who hear it. Phrases such as:
“Oh no!”
“Yikes…”
“You guys are doing long distance? Good luck…”
Not the most encouraging reactions from strangers and friends alike. But!
Despite the negative reviews I’d heard about all of my friends’ LDRs, I chucked their advice out the window. When I was 19-years-old, I decided to engage in one with my present boyfriend of about two years. Allow me to say my LDR has taught me more than any relationship I’ve had with someone in the same city as me.
In the beginning it was tough—you’re always missing them, always wishing you could come over and snuggle. During fights, you could never just pull a Nicholas Sparks and run to their house and knock on the door at 12 AM in the pouring rain.
Here are five things I’ve learnt from doing a LDR in university:
1. Because you can’t meet in person, never go to sleep angry.
Going to sleep angry festers and creates more negativity that’s not worth tossing and turning over. Always make time for each other on BOTH of your schedules—compromising and creating plans that work for both parties keeps everyone satisfied.
2. Work on yourself, you have time!
My boyfriend and I are a solid eight hours apart on a good day, which means we can’t always be together especially when our schedules do not revolve around each other. Having that distance has allowed us to both grow individually—not constantly depending on each other but knowing they will always be there for support!
3. Unconditional love.
It’s hard when you miss a person and sometimes, when it’s a busy time, you wonder if they no longer care for you. Chances are they miss you too but work and school can get the best of us. I’ve learnt from our five months apart, when he was in Shanghai, to always remember that he kept me with him wherever he went—even though it didn’t always feel like that. But I knew that when he came home, it was all worth it.
4. Being petty only lengthens the distance you’re trying to shrink!
I will be the first to admit that there were times when I’d be so angry at him, I’d make comments that deliberately hurt him. It got me thinking about when he once did the same to me; how that hurt and made me feel insignificant. So I developed my loop rule: if I could be hurt by it, so could he. This rule isn’t foolproof, but it does help both of us to be more considerate of each other’s feelings.
5. Always remind them how much you care for them.
My favourite thing to wake up to is a “good morning” text. It makes me feel thought of and reminds that, even though we aren’t together, he is still a part of my life.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in the mindset that a long distance relationship is hard and “not worth it.” In some cases this could be true but LDRs, especially in university, gives you the freedom of not being constantly wrapped up in someone while also giving the both of you time to grow.
Related Articles
- So You’re Dating Your BFF, Now What?
- A Letter to my LDRs: Friendship Edition
- Revelations on Relations
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