They did it. The person you looked at as your best friend made the move and escaped the friend zone; or maybe it was you that climbed that daunting, tall wall and made it to the other side. Now what? Everyone talks about what to do when you sleep with your best friend and want to move on, but what happens when you decide to cross the emotional line and enter a serious relationship together? Here are some tips for when you begin to date your best friend.
1. How to Tell Friends and Family
If we’re being honest here (and we are) they probably called this from day one. Your friends and family will likely be the ones commenting “FINALLY” all over your relationship status update on Facebook and will be more than happy for your happiness. If you’re worried about how it will be when you and your new boo are around them, don’t be. Just be yourselves and act the way you feel comfortable. They aren’t paying as much attention as you think they are, and their “ew gross” comments are totally meant affectionately.
2. How to Deal with Exes
They happened, and depending on how close you and your best friend are, you probably know all about them and your best friend probably knows all about your exes too. Respect the new relationship the same way you would if you weren’t super close to begin with: ask what they’re comfortable hearing about and talk through what each of you are okay with. Even though you had each other’s back through each ex and know all the dirty details, it is normal for your feelings on them to change when you begin dating your bestie. Understand that it is okay to not want to hear about how amazing ex-girlfriend Debby’s butt was anymore, just as it is okay for your partner to not want to hear about ex-boyfriend Brad’s phenomenal gift-giving ability. Exes still exist, and it is important to accept that you know (or know about) pretty much everyone your partner has on their list. Laugh it off and move along because you chose each other and that’s what’s important here—not the random person you remember expertly setting them up with in 2016 that you now see every Dollar Beer night at Jack’s.
3. Continue to Follow the Golden Rule of Honesty
Do not take it lightly that this is your best friend. It is so important to be honest about everything: what you want in a relationship, the treatment you expect, how you feel, and literally everything else. They loved you as a pal, they loved you to the point of risking it all to take the friendship to the next level and you feel the same about them. You would never lie to your best friend, so don’t start just because they are now the other half of the relationship. Be upfront about everything you want and expect, and the relationship will go along with less bumps. As a friend, you may be pretty relaxed and easy to please but in a relationship, you may expect more and be more high maintenance which is normal. Acknowledge your feelings, make them known, and be understanding when they come to you for the same reason. It takes some time to get used to the “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” version of one another, but with honesty and patience, the changes in relationship status can be navigated more easily.
4. Getting Physical
Getting on the same page emotionally with a bestie is the easy part. You’ve seen them at their lowest, you’ve made them laugh, fell in love with those warm brown eyes, and all the reasons you fell for them is more than clear. When it comes to the physical part, this is a whole other game. You have expectations and ideas of how it is supposed to be, and that is okay. Don’t fret though, you can make it through so long as you can: talk it out, laugh it out, be consensual, and comfortable.
Discuss what you like and what you don’t like. Laugh with one another when that’s all you want to do, and make sure you’re doing only what each of you is comfortable with. Remember, this is your best bud. They love you, they support you, and they have only ever wanted to make you happy and safe. Crossing the physical line with a pal can be a little weird, but who else in this world can you trust more with such an intimate part of yourself than your best friend?
5. Being Friends Above ALL ELSE is the Best Idea
The most important part of dating your best friend is maintaining the friendship. In the beginning, this is how you connected. You laughed at the same things, you were there for each other through an abundance of ups and downs, you respected and supported each other, and they were there whenever you needed them to be. In a way, you fell in love with them because they could do all these things. There may be dates now, invitations extended to both of you frequently, family dinners and couples photos, but be a friend. Stay in touch with the person you were before the exes made you feel weird, or before you discovered them touching your foot with theirs is their way of saying a silent “I love you” just before they fall asleep. Your partner still needs their best friend in the same way you still need yours. Be the best friend to them that you always were, because that person was and remains one of the most integral people in their life and it’s what makes this relationship so wonderful. Their BFF is the person they fell in love with and if you were happy, it’s who you truly were. Don’t lose that, and you’ll be able to say things like this: “We were best friends for four years and now we’re dating too!” “He’s my best friend.”
And mean it.
Your best friend is going to be the same as they always were. They’re going to be loud and obnoxious, they’re going to be brutally honest and go above and beyond to support you, and they’re going to drive you crazy the way they always have and then also in 100 new ways. Except now you get to kiss them, you get to be the person they pick up at the bar, and you get to go to the family functions your best friend’s mom told you about while you were just friends. You know everything about them, and while that’s always been a blessing it, can now be a curse, but it’s worth it. Congratulations on cuffing the best person you know, it’s truly incredible to leave the friendzone. Some lines may be blurry, but stay true to your dynamic as a couple of friends and now also as a couple, follow these 5 simple tips, and you may just be lucky and strong enough to have a best friend for life.
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