A Letter to My Ex-Best Friend

To the best friend I ever had, 

We both know that I am absolutely terrible at math and always will be, but I can figure out that there is a 50-50 chance that you will see this, or perhaps you won’t. Whichever ends up happening I like to think is supposed to happen.

It’s been two months since we’ve we last talked, and… well, I won’t lie, I’ll admit that I miss you, seeing your face, hearing your voice, or just simply seeing your name in my phone. I miss you a lot. A day hasn’t gone by since we stopped talking that I haven’t thought about you, and I wonder if you’re thinking of me too.

You were my go-to person to tell all of my stupid, unimportant stories to, and I miss knowing what you’ve been up to all day and what you’re thinking about at 3 am. I miss “our” songs we had together, hanging out at the places that were uniquely “ours,” and I miss laughing until my stomach hurt with you, or just sitting with each other in a contemplative silence. 

I especially miss the days where we could just be with each other and do nothing at all, really, but just whole-heartedly enjoy each other’s company. Where you could just be you and I could just be me. 

We all learn at some point in life that friends come and go, and honestly I never thought that would be the case with you and I, that I would be ending this year without you. But I want you to know, above all else, that you really did change my life and made me feel loved for every moment we were close, and even if things are never are the same, I want nothing but the best for you. You will always be incredibly special to me, and I hope that your life moving forward will bring you people that also see you as one-of-a-kind and beautiful, just as you are. 

It was hard for me to admit at first, and I’m still working on it, but I’ve come to accept the fact that maybe this time of absence from each other’s lives is a good thing, and I’m looking at it now as an opportunity for us to grow as different people and build on ourselves individually. I’ve always been a firm believer that two friends don’t have to talk every single day to for that connection to survive, and although this idea would’ve been hard for both of us to grasp six months ago, it may be true for us too. And I hope you’re maybe looking at this the same way.

So, there will come a day where I’ll see you again in person, and maybe after that, there will be a day where we rebuild our friendship from the ground up and try again, and I’m excitedly keeping that door open to see what my life with you so woven into it will be like a second time. Contrastingly, I’ve also acknowledged the reality that perhaps the door to the relationship we once had is shut for a reason, and that’s okay too. But, I want you to know that even if we do go our separate ways and it turns out we’ve already grown and learned enough from each other, you will always have a special place in my heart that no one else can replace. 

And that’s all I wanted to say.