This semester, I’ve begun prioritizing my own peace and well-being in ways I never have before. Autumn is a season of change, and I hope to make changes for the better. Whether that’s setting and sticking to boundaries, taking time for myself, or generally being thoughtful about creating routines and habits to support myself, I’ve emphasized taking actionable steps in my life for my own benefit– and their impact has been clear.
In prioritizing these behaviors, I’ve established a shift in mindset that is both strong and stable. My self-perception is built around gratitude, patience, and trust in where I find myself in this phase of life. I am comfortable and confident in the choices I’m making, not daunted by the idea of where I should be; instead, I appreciate how I am treating myself where I am.
However, these behaviors don’t exist in a vacuum. Certain decisions I make affect those around me– for better or for worse, I’ve realized.Â
While support from your friends and family is incredibly valuable to your “self-love journey” (for lack of better words), that support system is a two-way street. During the past few months, I’ve recognized ways I could have – or did – unintentionally distance myself from those who care about me. That is a disservice to them and me, both in terms of the support being felt and in the appreciation being shared.Â
I should note that there are times when distancing is necessary, most commonly in toxic and destructive relationships. This piece, however, discusses healthy relationships where distancing is counterproductive.
I’m going to share ways that you can actively prioritize your wellbeing while continuing to show up for those around you. There is importance in both the relationships we hold with ourselves and with others. So, allow me to share ways I’ve found balance in these relationships without sacrificing one for the other.
- Learn to say no, but don’t use it as a weapon. That simple, two letter word holds a lot of influence on boundary-setting and maintaining self-respect, yet, it can be dangerous. You must also respect other people’s time and values, so recognize the times and places where it may be less appropriate.
- Integrate your friends and family into your new routines and habits. If you set new personal goals, think through ways that you can include those around you. For example, I’m working to become a morning person. My biggest strength in meeting this goal is the fact that one of my close friends has become my accountability partner!
- Communication is key! When the line of communication goes silent, neither side knows how to move forward. If you are like me and sometimes get wrapped up in your own world, and all else goes quiet around you (i.e. text messages sitting delivered on your phone), make a point to answer those messages! If it was the other way around, you’d want to know what’s going on.
- When it’s important for someone close to you, it may need to be important to you, too. Sometimes, prioritization has to extend beyond yourself. The values of your close circle must also be considered. For example, if it is important to your friend to have a group dinner before break, then you need to recognize the way they are prioritizing quality time and respect that.
- Know that sometimes, quality over quantity is key. Now, that doesn’t mean I see my loved ones once a year. But if I only see someone once or twice a week, then I put extra care into how I spend that time. Intentionality is the name of the game.
- Lastly, simply schedule! Having something on the calendar gives a much higher likelihood of the event actually happening– you know it’s true. It may feel silly at first, but I found scheduling meals and study times with even my closest friends is key in prioritizing spending time together. Just assuming something will happen rarely ends well…