Ever since I was a little girl, I would always pray God would make me pretty some day. I never thought I had the perfect body because I was used to seeing what celebrities looked like in magazines. For some reason, I’ve just always had a low self-esteem. I always felt like the fat friend in the group, even to this day. I actually wasn’t even that fat, it’s just that everyone else was so skinny.
My paranoia of being chubby got to the point to where I would sit in my chair in class in elementary school and put my sweater over my stomach. It was bad. I was so worried about what people thought about me. After elementary school, I eventually slimmed down. It wasn’t until high school that I felt a little better about my body since I had lost weight.
But even in high school, I felt chubby. It seemed like almost all the girls at my school had flat stomachs, some even with abs. These girls would post all types of bikini pics, showing off their stomachs. I would just look at the pictures and think to myself, how is it that easy?
I began to try all these random diets in high school, but then I realized it wasn’t worth it. I began to cheerlead for my high school and that kept me active regularly. It was really great and helped tone my body.
Once I got to college, I gained the freshman 15 (or 20). There aren’t many healthy choices on the VCU dining plan, so I would frequent places like Pizza Hut Express and Canes. After my freshman year, I was the heaviest I’ve ever been. Luckily (and depressingly), by the time my sophomore year rolled around I was too broke to buy food so I only ate once a day. I eventually slimmed back down to my current weight. I also picked up running as a hobby and completed a half-marathon and eventually a full marathon. Those were one of the best times of my life because that’s when I realized I’m not the best athlete in the world. I also don’t have the fittest body, but I still ran 26.2 miles and didn’t even lose a toe! I was so inspired.
Recently, someone who has always inspired me to love myself and express myself was under fire for the way her body looked. Lady Gaga performed during the halftime show at the Super Bowl and so many people on Twitter were calling her fat. HOW? Lady Gaga has one of the nicest bodies I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m pretty sure I’ve looked at her body before and wished it was mine. I think so highly of her, so how could everyone else really think her stomach was fat? That’s when I had another realization — people are always going to say something.
Now I look back and wish I could tell myself to chill out. I love my body. I used to try to eat super healthy, but now I don’t even care. There is no point in depriving myself of something that could potentially make my taste buds super happy. For now, I’ll just keep it organic, non-GMO and treat myself with Red Eye Cookies.
Images: Cover photo, 1