Your body image fluctuates. One day, you may feel incredibly confident and beautiful and the next you may not even want to leave the house. This is certainly true for me. However, over the years I have seen so much growth and improvement in how I view my body, and I credit it all to my time at Virginia Commonwealth University.
College is a time for growth and change. It is a time to find yourself. For me, it has been a journey of self-love. Before coming to college I spent almost every day worrying about what I looked like. Worrying about my stomach not being flat or my thighs being to big. Worrying about how sparse my eyebrows were. Worrying about being too short to be considered sexy. Worrying about my hair, clothes or the shape of my nose. Worrying about my boobs being too big or not big enough. Worried about whether or not boys found me attractive, but feeling guilty if they did. Literally anything that I could nit-pick and be self-conscious about, I did. It was exhausting. Then when I came to college, I saw people of all kinds wearing what they wanted, looking great and obviously feeling great while doing it. I also was exposed to body positivity activists and learned about society’s ridiculous beauty ideals and expectations.
I think it all had to do with atmosphere I was in before and after. Before, there was just this strict standard of beauty: tall, thin, white and blonde. The thin part was the most important. I was taught to hide my body. Magazines told me I needed one piece bathing suits and flowy shirts. The teachers at my private, Christian school told us to keep thighs, butts, boobs, shoulders and honestly everything hidden because if a man found us attractive or had unclean thoughts, it was our fault. I vividly remember our counselor pulling me and a few friends into her office, lecturing us on the length of our skirts (the uniform skirts that THEY supplied for us to wear) and telling us what happens when a man is aroused in detail. She also let us know that they can’t help themselves and that it was our responsibility to keep that from happening. This kind of mindset and teaching is what makes girls and women despise their bodies. This push and pull double standard to be sexy and not slutty creates awful self-image. I was lucky enough to have a mom who encouraged me to feel good about myself. Although, not everyone is as lucky.
College changed this mindset. Especially at VCU, a school in the middle of a city that celebrates diversity and inclusivity. My world was expanded and my self-love grew. Now I wear what I want, when I want, for no one but myself. I still have days I feel ugly or unwanted, but I remind myself that beauty is not the rent I pay to exist in this world. I look good and feel good for me, and no one else. I am forever learning to love myself, it’s a lifelong journey.
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