College is the time where you grow into the adult you want to be. From finding out the career you want to finding love with everything in between. How can you find love if you are emotionally unavailable? There is this perception that you have to find “the one”, get married and settle down. This has been the social norm that our parents had; who are passing it down to our generation. If no one has told you yet, it is okay to be single in college. Regardless of what reason why you are single (heartbreak, too busy, not looking, wanting to just have fun, etc…), it is okay.
Let me tell you the reasons why and how to get over it:
1. You have to learn to love yourself first before anyone else!
- In college, you’re going to find someone prettier, smarter and more put together than you. It is only human nature to compare yourself to everyone on social media and in real life. In this modern day, we constantly want a “certain” lifestyle or body type. Always trying to please other people and not yourself is hard. Instead of scrolling down your ex’s new significant other; trying to not like a picture 123 weeks old, go do something productive. Go for a walk, work out, journal, ANYTHING!! Just don’t beat yourself up for a shitty ex-partner who has a new person, but you are single.
2. Healing is a long road ahead
- Let’s face it, being single in college sucks (especially with the holiday season coming up). Don’t get “boo’d” up for the wrong reasons and follow a trend. In spite of events that you have to heal. Healing can be anything from forgiving the person who hurt you to getting counseling (VSU has a great counseling center with amazing therapists you can go see). Recovering can help you open up to a better relationship when you find the time is right.
3. Platonic relationships are just as important
- With relationships, you can get wrapped up in one person. Platonic love can be just as strong (if not stronger) than romantic love. Have a girls night out (or in) and catch up with friends who lost connections with. Rebuild friendships that were lost during your last relationship. Between working, classes and extracurricular; you lose touch with close friends. That is normal in college, but don’t let that become the norm. Share moments you could never have with a partner! Love life and the people in it! Not focus on the hurt.
4. There is someone out there for you
- This is something I am still learning myself. Being in an on again, off again relationship for two years (keep in mind this was someone I was going to marry) can be exhausting. Going on apps like Tinder and Bumble to help find a “date” gets a lot. I had to learn to stop trying to find love and look forward to an empire I am building myself. Know you are worthy of love and it will come to you. Trust me, you will start to love the freedom of being single gives you. Being single, you only have to worry about and feel secure with one person.
Remember, this is only temporary and to love yourself. The road is a very long one, but worth the healing.
-HCXO