When we were younger, we would often fall down and skin our knees. It would probably bleed a little, so someone would rush over to care for it. They would disinfect the injury and place a band-aid to keep it from getting contaminated. After a week, the band-aid would fall off and a fresh scab would be ripe for healing on its own. After a month or so passes, we look at the scab, and it’s gone. The skin is new again, representing another clean slate that might be scarred by a future injury.
The person who cared for it, warns you about how long the healing process will take. They’ll say “It should take two months before the scar is gone”. By the end of that period, we expect the injury and its resulting scar to be gone. If it isn’t, then there appears to be another problem that needs to be resolved. It’s almost as if this deadline is definitive.
The question that comes up from this situation is then- why do we put deadlines on healing periods? To be healed means to reach a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, as opposed to being inflicted with a type of illness. But as life provides unexpected potentially negative situations, people could end up feeling quite dejected or in simple terms, sad. According to most professionals, this sadness is supposed to pass with time (Melinda Smith, 2024). Medications might be given to regulate the immune system or therapy will be provided to understand the flow of emotions. If the sadness doesn’t pass within a certain time or by the ‘due date of happiness’, there could be underlying issues relating to depression. However, this limitation can severely harm the healing process of individuals.
The rush to be ‘healed’ may force people to skip over steps to reach this deadline. They may jump over the first step of accepting the problem and preparing to tackle it little by little. They may dash past the understanding of the root of the problem and only develop their surface-level comprehension. They may skip past the feelings portion of healing, and realize that their total self-care comes first. They might even hurtle past the stage of keeping in contact with support, who can help them find their purpose in life after the things they’ve faced. This constant desire to fit in with the rest of the fast-paced society that we live in can be really detrimental to those who are healing. This is because they will believe that by the deadline, they should be ready to continue on the path everyone else is following.
The limitations of placing deadlines on the healing process are numerous and that doesn’t help anyone. The only way to evolve from this type of restriction is to determine a way in which we can attempt to heal ourselves on our own time. Healing takes time, and it involves spending time to focus on your needs. Although people can set deadlines on your healing process to keep you from struggling for so long, it can never be the ultimate reason that you are rushing to get better. An understanding of one’s authenticity relies on reflection and understanding of not just the situation, but yourself. There is no such thing as a ‘due date of happiness’ because as humans, you have your whole life to use as an opportunity to create happiness for yourself. People just have to take it. They are not the ones healing, and they have to learn on their own time how to accept that it takes varying amounts of time to heal. That journey will have a lot of bumps though, consequently leading to a lot of healing.
So now, the question is do we ever really heal? Considering the continuous injuries we face (internally and externally) that continue to help us grow, I don’t think there is a deadline that can be placed on this question. It will continue to change as we grow and evolve through our healing journeys.
Melinda Smith, M. A. (2024, January 8). Coping with grief and loss. HelpGuide.org. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm#:~:text=Inevitably%2C%20the%20grieving%20process%20takes,process%20is%20measured%20in%20years.