Last semester, I had been going through some struggles with mental health and was not myself – I slept excessively, cried excessively, and ate excessively. Usually partaking in excessive activities is not very good, as we’ve all been told. When my grades dropped I decided that it was time for a change – I was going back to therapy.
I usually don’t have an issue with therapy, or discussing my life with a stranger, but this time around I felt myself cancelling appointments more than normal. In short, I did not want to go, however, I also did not want to be in the current position that I was in – a wreck. Thus, began the plan to change myself.
I’ve spoken to several people about what change means to them. For some, it means getting a wig, while for others it means “praying more.” I don’t see it as that way. Sure, changing your appearance can lead to several self-esteem boosts, but it does not change you internally. If you’re a vengeful, manipulative, and narcissistic person that’s going to do nothing for you. You should not start with lifestyle changes – try reflecting on internal ways you can improve yourself. Lifestyle changes should not be the changes you should be making – maybe start by reflecting on ways to improve yourself.
Change for me meant working on the areas of my personality that I lacked in (and I had no issue admitting this). Acceptance is pivotal regarding the process of change. For some people, this can be a fatal blow because they like to pin their problems onto another person or blame external factors,. I made a list of areas that I wanted to work on, and got started.
The next big step is ensuring you are checking the boxes. For example, you can volunteer at the hospital if you feel under-confident in regards to interacting with people. Reading to little kids, at your local library, would also help you improve your social skills. This will help bolster your confidence and belief in your own ability.
If you are self-centered, for instance, and people have complained to you about this, there is hope for you too! You can start conversations by asking about the other person, instead of talking about YOUR life, what YOU did over the summer, what YOU like, etc. This can come off as rude, self-involved, and will negatively impact the quality of interactions.
All these little examples have one element in common – acceptance. Yes, change does not happen overnight and you cannot just “change” toxic traits. However, you can actively work towards improving your own self, so that it does not impact the people in your life. By working on my own little goals, and ensuring that I was focused on internal factors (instead of looking to blame my problems on external factors) I was able to succeed. I am now in a much better position in terms of my mental health, academic, and social life.