A Letter to My Younger Self

 

 

Dear Sunnu,

Hey. I hope you’re doing ok, and are not too overwhelmed right now. I just thought I should tell you some things so you can feel better about your situation right now. A lot of amazing and awful things happen within the next few years. It’s just kinda how life is. You’re probably a pretty emotional person right now, which you definitely know from how many times Appa yells at you for it. And that’s ok, don’t worry about it. Being an emotional person definitely isn’t a bad thing. It’s better than not feeling anything at all. Which you’ll learn happens from time to time. Oh, when it happens, it will feel really empty. So, don’t freak out too much over that, it’s normal, and that too will pass. Your feelings are valid. They deserve to be felt. Keep doodling and journaling them to get some release. Also, so I can see how much we’ve gone through.

 

You get boobs in the future!!! How exciting. Not really, they cause you hella back problems and people make fun of you for it a little. But they’re just teasing, don’t mind it. Oh, also you totally survive high school and go to college and might even graduate a year early! I just thought I should let you know so you stop freaking out. There’s a larger scope in life than just freaking out about everything your parents pressure you about. I learned that this summer. “Every choice you make in life is your own, and nothing else”. What I mean by that is, good and bad are very subjective. Going to college or not going to college are just decisions. One is not better than the other inherently, the “good” and “bad” concepts come from your experiences with the world. Which have been super limited by having Indian first-generation parents. But, you’ll see that there are a ton of different ways to live your life. So, don’t shit on your friends for going to, dropping out of, or not going to college. It doesn’t ruin any of your friendships, but it definitely makes you feel bad for saying it as future you.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about maturity. You just met this girl, and she’s the sweetest thing. But she’s very naive. She really reminds you of yourself at like, I guess your current age. Which is why we have a lot of sympathy for her. But I also hate it. Oh, I mean, like I don’t hate you, but it’s like if you were constantly reminded of your middle-school self. Does that make sense? I hope you’re not mad at me lol. Anyways, this girl, she’s definitely got worlds to offer. She’s also going through a lot of hardship. We are kinda bad at giving her advice about what to do, cause her issues are a little different. She kind of lives in a fairytale, which I really wish her life could be, but it’s not. It’s hard to break that to someone, it also makes you think whether it’s your place to do so. Whether you have the right to tell someone what they should do with their life. Since everything is so subjective and anyone can pretty much do anything. It’s a big conflict for me right now. But I also know, the way she’s running around, she’s going to hurt herself. Pretty badly. She keeps talking about maturity. Which is a topic you’ve never been concerned with before. You’ve either been the baby, or been mature, but you never really thought about it too much. It didn’t bother you to be the baby, or to be the mature one.

 

After a lot of thought, I think maturity comes from personal growth and experience. Experiencing a lot of new things can open your eyes to the world in a “good” or “bad” way. But the safest way to mature is probably personal growth. Which is something I’m focusing on right now. I started going to the gym, eating a little better, getting sleep, doing my work on time, taking care of my skin and hair, etc. I think taking care of yourself changes the way you look at things. As you grow, you sort of level up for the next part of your life. I think she’s in the level up phase. Where she is supposed to learn that thing you usually are denying to yourself. For you it was to put yourself first. You’re still in that point in time where you’re caring a lot about others. Friends, crushes, boyfriends, etc. You’re putting their lives ahead of your own. Which allows them to walk all over you and not allow yourself to personally develop. Also, it puts a lot of pressure on these people, which cause a lot of them to walk out of your life (something else I’m working on right now is being ok with people walking out of your life). Until you learn this lesson, you keep running into a wall, where it gets pushed back a little bit with every experience, but it doesn’t break down until after you realize the lesson you refuse to learn. I understand it’s painful to learn. I understand denying it a LOT easier than accepting it (it’s why you deny it for like 3 years before you finally accept it lolololol you’re so stubborn, but I love that about us). Anyways, I think those 3 years of experience were well spent. You had so many amazing times with your friends, with the current boy of your dreams, but you were also kind of destroyed by those same things. But I don’t regret any of it. I know it was hard, and I’m sorry you had to learn that way or experience so much pain, but without it you wouldn’t be me :D And I think I’m pretty awesome.

 

Back to this girl really quick. She’s kind of making bad decisions right now. Objectively bad. Like, she’s going to get hurt in a way she can’t imagine. You know well enough, and sadly more of that terrible shit happens to you in the future. So you really want to prevent her from losing her sanity from it. I would tell her to not make rash decisions regarding really personal or risky experiences. You will soon start doing a lot of research on a lot of different things before you try them out. Which doesn’t prevent all the bad, but it prevents most of it. I think she’s getting confused with the types of experiences you need to have to mature. They don’t have to be “adult experiences” like drinking, sex, or buying a house lololololol. They can be as simple as, “I’ve never done this” or “I’m scared of trying this” and literally be like “I’ve never drank coffee in my foookin life bro, so ima drink some coffee”. Don’t put such a high experience value on things that are more risky, or that you are more reluctant to try. Because regret is a heavy burden to carry if things go wrong. While trying a cup of coffee, spitting it out and calling it shit, and moving on is a pretty low risk situation. (Except if you drink black coffee on an empty stomach and you TOTALLY MESS UP YOUR STOMACH FOR THE REST OF THE DAY LIKE AN IDIOT, yup that happens, OH and the banana you eat after you drank the coffee does not help, in fact, if I remember correctly, that made it worse (but also you probably would have passed out at school if it weren’t for the caffeine) JUST A HEADS UP LOL).

 

Anyways, all I really wanted to say was, you’ll be fine. You probably don’t exactly love who I am right now. You probably would call me a whore, or an idiot, or a degenerate. But you’re in a really judgemental state cause of high school and being judged yourself, so I don’t mind you calling me out. You are me anyways lol. Everything will be ok, we’re looking for jobs right now, overwhelmed with school as always, looking at cute boys like a dumbass who needs to focus her time on school and work, but its ok cause you make sure everything gets done cause you’re scared of failure :D. Please don’t judge yourself for how you are, if you want to do something, just do it, and don’t be scared of experiencing new things.

 

Sorry this was super long. I love you so so so much. Take care of yourself Sunnu.

 

Sneha Ravichandran (October 24th 2018 at 10:48 AM).