To My Beautiful Messed Up Mind
Most days, you overwhelm me. You confuse me, and cause me to make up scenarios in my head that aren’t true. You prevent me from being productive, or even putting a smile on my face. But whether I can control the thoughts you give me or whether I need to give myself a mental break, you are and will always be my beautiful, messed up mind.
To my anxiety, I have battled you for so long. A constant state of worry has become my new normal. Every day I have to stop and think if I actually need to worry about something, or if it’s you putting thoughts in my head. You make me think three steps ahead, even if it doesn’t make sense. I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop fighting you and learn to work with you.
To my depression, you’re kicking my butt. You have made your appearances in my life, but lately, you have made yourself at home in my head. You make it hard to get out of bed, hard to move, give me body aches, hard to be focus, hard to be productive, as if I have lead bricks tied to my ankles. But you won’t win though. I will fight you and work with you, because I know that I am better than how you make me feel.
But…
To my mind, you make me who I am. You let me empathize and sympathize with those who need me. You give me an understanding to those who have scars that aren’t visible to the naked eye. You make me prepared, creative, organized, smart, understanding and kind. So with the good days and the bad, I have to remember that all the thoughts you run through my head, make me who I am.
With all the good, the bad, and the ugly, you will always be my beautiful, messed up mind.
To my readers,
It’s okay to talk about your mental health. It’s okay to admit you may need help or that your mind isn’t a perfect box all the time. We need to ask each other about how we feel and be okay with hearing an answer that isn’t cheery all the time. We all face our battles, and we need to be there for those who need help during theirs.
We need to remind ourselves that it’s okay not to be okay.