The Fear of Embarrassment (and Where
It Comes From)
I have been having the same conversation with many of my friends. It usually starts out with someone explaining something “embarrassing” that happened to them. For example, my friend could not stop telling the story of sitting in ECON 2010 and having their phone blast the Pitch Perfect Soundtrack. While she let this moment completely control her day, it did spark a conversation where we discussed wanting to let go of embarrassment. We have all spent too much time not doing things we wanted to do out of fear that someone else might think of us as weird, annoying, or a try-hard. As my other friend always says, “It’s only embarrassing if you feel embarrassed,” so now more than ever I am going to let go of embarrassment as a feeling.
Why do we care so much about common mistakes or instances if they happen to us? Why do we let ourselves feel embarrassed? I think a lot of it stems from social media. I know social media seems to be the scapegoat for all problems in society, but in this case I think social media pushes ideas of perfection on all of us. In addition, social media makes it feel like people are watching at all times. That feeling combined with the pressure to be perfect, increases one’s anxiety and overall frequency of feeling embarrassed.
In college especially, you are constantly surrounded by people. This makes it really easy to fall into worry about what everyone around you thinks. I think as young adults we internalize the idea that we should be “cool” or “chill”, but where is the fun in that?
What It Holds You Back From
My friends and I have found that embarrassment holds us back from so much, especially here at college. For example, it limits us from asking questions in class or trying new things that excite us. Embarrassment can also limit us from being honest and growing into our full selves. Maybe we do not dance or express as much excitement as we actually feel. Maybe it limits us from expressing our opinions on issues or from sharing our interests with others. I know I’ve said “no” to things I have wanted to do because I feared the way it would make me look. That’s no way to live; That’s not freedom. Rather, we are all censoring ourselves and limiting ourselves from being able to grow into our full potential.
The Shift: Choosing to Be Free
So, what do we do? We have to make the constant effort to be free and let go of all notions or effects of society that make us feel embarrassed. We can grow our confidence by being surrounded by people who uplift us and by leaning into our authentic selves. Also, we have to realize that no one’s actually paying that much attention to every move we make. Even if they are, that is their burden to carry not ours. So what your music blasted out of your phone in a lecture space, maybe someone else there also loved that song and you made their day. I am letting go of embarrassment because good seems to come out of every situation especially t a school with so many students, one of which has to share your interests and way of being.
Reframing Embarrassment
If letting go does not seem to work for you, another thing my friends and I have talked about is reframing embarrassment. Feeling embarrassed is just another way to prove to yourself that you care and try, which really just exemplifies bravery. None of us will ever be able to grow as people without discomfort, so maybe embarrassment is necessary for your journey. Whatever way you want to frame embarrassment, is okay as long as you recognize that everyone feels it. In fact, it’s more embarrassing to look back and realize you held yourself back for people who don’t even remember your name.
Little Pep Talk
At the end of the day, you don’t need to be perfect, effortless, or cool. You just need to show up. Laugh at yourself. Ask the question. Wear the outfit. Be the main character even if someone rolls their eyes. They’ll forget, but you will always remember that you chose yourself.