As young college students we’re constantly stuck in between the feelings of “Wow! All this is so brand new!” and “Who am I really?” There is an insane amount of pressure to decide our future and start defining our lives in just four short years. Coming into college, you’re only 18 years old. You have quite literally just begun your journey to self-discovery and with self-discovery, you find self-love. Now it might seem a little narcissistic, but who do you have if you dont have yourself?
I feel like as a generation we underestimate the power of self love so much. We think that all the likes, shares, and friend counts define our happiness. We strive for the “perfect Instagram” thinking that’s what’s going to make people like us, but it’s not. I can’t begin to tell you the amount of times I’ve wanted to delete all my social media accounts for this exact reason. But then I remember, I’m only 20 years old, I shouldn’t be thinking this at all, or even dealing with it. I came to a realization recently – I have never really accepted myself or even loved myself for the way that I genuinely am. It’s not that I despise myself, it’s that I just pretend that I’m content with everything and it’s been a mindset I’ve had for awhile.
I care so deeply for other people, constantly worrying about the wellbeing of others, as well as putting myself into a position to provide them with happiness, stretching myself thinly among all the people I try to please. I would rather repress any negative feelings, than begin to think how I’m not being my positive self, even though I know deep down that my friends and family aren’t expecting me to be perfect and positive all the time. But this isn’t how it should be. If you are anything like me, someone who brushes any negative thoughts or feelings away, please stop. We’re not supposed to repress sadness, guilt, anger, or distaste. We should feel it all, no matter how much it hurts. We all need to learn to let it out, myself included.
Part of this realization comes from how I present myself with “toxic positivity.” I genuinely feel like I’m an optimistic person but, it’s also important to learn that it’s okay to not be okay. I know that might sound cliche, but it’s true. Whether you’re down about an aspect of your life, a physical part of yourself, or just towards life in general, it’s okay. We need to learn that everything doesn’t need to be perfect all the time, because realistically, life can be really rough sometimes.
I am working on getting to know myself better, and learning to love myself for who I really am. I’m starting to listen and allow my feelings to present themselves, and work on letting these feelings control my life and actions, instead of constantly supressing them. It’s okay to want more from people, and sometimes you just deserve to be treated better. Sometimes you realize you’re not going to be getting what you need, and it’s okay to leave these situations and relationships. It’s easy to care about how other people perceive you, but at the end of the day, you’re the one going to sleep and waking up with yourself, so you might as well find a way to look forward to seeing and listening to who that is.
It is not easy to love yourself, and it’s okay to need guidance. Whether this be from a trained professional, or your own support system, do not feel like a burden if you need assistance or reassurance on your self-discovery/self-love journey. I challenge you to embrace the physical, mental, and emotional components that make you who you are. This isn’t an easy journey to go on, but once you finally find that point where you’re genuinely happy with yourself and everything in your life, all the hard work and emotions you went through will be worth it in the end.