Everyone around you seems to have it all together. One of the girls you went to high school with is on Instagram showcasing thousands of followers and scores countless collaboration deals with companies. The artists, the influencers, and the gurus show off the “ideal” social life that you’ve always wanted, throwing parties in their multi-million dollar homes that they earned solely through social media presence. You go on Pinterest for ideas on how to decorate your room, only to close the app after spending half an hour daydreaming about people with your dream body type modeling your dream wardrobe. Your peers on campus also seem to have an abundance of followers, and their Instagram posts are flooded with comments from what seems like hundreds of their close friends. They always look happy and like they have somewhere interesting to be. They seem wanted and loved by everyone. What is it about them that sets them apart from everyone else? What does it take to be “cool” and “desired?” You take it all in, and suddenly, you feel like you’re doing life all wrong.
Here’s your reality check: you’re not doing it wrong. In fact, you’re doing great.
“Like” This Article for a TBH
A bit of a personal anecdote here: When I was in junior high, social media did not have the major influence that it has now. Sure, everyone in my 7th-grade class had a Facebook account, but the infamous “like my status” era was in full effect at this time. Not to mention that Instagram had not yet been invented. A hilarious time looking back now, but social media was fairly simple in the early 2010s. No one tried to prove anything, or put on the facade of “look how great my life is!” beyond making purposely misspelled statuses riddled with emoticons. Seriously, I’d get excited when I got 10 likes on a status that was just a recycled meme from Tumblr. Those 10 people though? I knew them in real life, and not only that, they were close friends. Ten close friends that I knew would think the meme was as funny as I did, and we’d joke about it further in the comment section. That was all the validation I needed, knowing that I could share in laughter with people that cared about me, and vice versa.
But the likes you get do not measure how much you are liked.
I know it’s easy to get caught up in the idea of likes and engagements on your social media accounts. Know that they are not, and I cannot possibly stress this enough, a valid measurement of your worth to society. Don’t get me wrong, it feels good to get more attention than usual, especially on a picture of yourself that took 15 minutes to post because you kept doubting the way you looked. But those engagements do not represent how you’re valued, and most importantly, they do not measure who you really are. This goes for your more popular peers as well that dominate your social media timelines.
Another reality check: we only post what we want the world to see, which is the absolute best version of ourselves. It’s not that I have low self-esteem, but if I had to choose between posting a picture of myself first thing in the morning with my breath smelling like hot garbage, eye boogers accenting my eye bags, or a picture of myself wearing a waist trainer underneath a little black dress, I’m obviously going for the more aesthetically pleasing picture. You’re not the only one! The girl-next-door-turned-influencer you went to high school with chose the best picture to post out of the 150 photos in her camera roll. Your favorite YouTuber, the TikTok star you envy, they all do. They’re not perfect by default. It’s easy to think that, but that’s only because we’re not seeing the other 149 photos that were subsequently deleted. Before the world of “influencers,” there were only celebrities, and we always knew when a celebrity was having a bad hair day because the paparazzi were (and inappropriately still are) there to remind us of it. No one looks as good as their most-liked Instagram post 24/7.
In addition to wanting to look our absolute best, we want the world to see us at our absolute best. You may see the people you follow on social media showcasing a new house and a brand new car, but you’re not seeing the blood, sweat, and tears that they experienced to earn those things. People don’t just wake up to a perfect life; the reality is that people have to work for everything they have on social media, and even then, it could be a facade. At least on Facebook circa 2010, you couldn’t fake a perfect life because every single one of your Facebook friends knew you in real life, and they knew well enough to know you didn’t really have it like that. It’s easier now on Instagram when a good percentage of followers only know you on the surface.
What’s “Trending” doesn’t always fit your style
We’ve talked about Facebook and Instagram long enough, now it’s time for Pinterest, TikTok, and YouTube to get cross-examined. I mention these social media platforms in particular because they’re the Holy Trinity of the most up-to-date details on fashion trends among the young Millennials and Gen-Z types. From the heated debates between skinny jeans versus mom jeans, to the stylish ways to draw out your winged liner, and even the hype surrounding athleisure, you’ve most likely been exposed to hundreds of “aesthetics,” as the younger generations like to classify them. Most outfits you see on these platforms are pretty, and all the women that wear them are even prettier. All of a sudden, you have nothing to wear, and the items you do have are way too ugly now. You can’t believe that you’ve been leaving your house dressed like a wet noodle this entire time. Stop right there! Just because the trending fashion is cute, it doesn’t mean that it’ll fit your style, and that’s okay. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen victim to caving into a fashion trend, just to try on the too-tight dress or ill-fitting jeans and feeling like a potato with less money in the end.
It’s not just fashion, either. Makeup has evolved significantly; what was “in” according to famed YouTube makeup artists ten years ago, is now a laughable thing of the past. You find yourself trying a bold winged liner simply because you’ve seen enough people try it, and you end up with a huge smear of black liquid around your eye from messing up an embarrassing amount of times. Once you finally learn how to properly apply concealer, there’s a new trend that says your method is outdated and actually wrong. Seriously? The good news is that you don’t have to follow every single new rule that comes across your YouTube and TikTok feeds. Fashion and makeup are subjective. You might see Emma Chamberlain effortlessly rocking an oversized crewneck, the same one that makes you feel like you’re wearing a trash bag, and find that you prefer a tighter alternative in the end. Just do what works best for you and your personal style!
Knowing and Feeling Confident with Who You Are
FYI: It’s 100% okay to get your inspiration from others. You can happily engage in any and all trends that make you comfortable. Take it from me, I live for trendy styles, but I always add my own flare to it that makes the look fit me like a glove. The most important takeaway is to do it for yourself, not to be like someone else. Instead of channeling your inner *insert celebrity/influencer name here* and losing your identity in the process, grow into a better, happier, and healthier version of yourself. Don’t forget the main accessory to complete the look: your confidence! I’m a firm believer that anyone can make anything look good if they have the right amount of confidence. People used to joke that Rihanna could get away with wearing literally anything because she “just looks so good,” but the secret ingredient is the confidence that she has, and that’s not something you can buy from her stores either…although we do love Fenty Beauty and Savage X Fenty!
Developing that confidence starts with knowing and loving yourself. You can look amazing in that sequined top with the short sleeves. Oh, and the leather jacket you miraculously scored from the thrift store? You can definitely rock that. The “can” isn’t just a measurement of your ability to do so, it’s based on the belief you have in yourself. Wear your hair, makeup, clothes, shoes, and everything in between with conviction, queen! Walk with your shoulders back, move with poise, keep your chin up, and look forward when you walk. Be your own main character and live your best life!
You will not find the “secret” to having an amazing social media account on every influencer’s page, and you won’t find it from your well-off classmate’s post from 2013…but that’s because confidence is their best kept secret. Like I mentioned, it’s not something you can sell, so it may not benefit them to always remind you, either. Now that you know, you can parlay that confidence into getting whatever your heart desires, and the desire for social media engagements will be a laughable memory. The people that you want to like you will never compare to the people that matter, because they already do like you. The people that truly matter will be there to root for you when your confidence is in full swing, and even when you’re not in the mood for a photo-op. You’ll never have to put on a “perfect life” act for them, and you never have to do it for yourself, either.
Always remember the reality check.