A Poem from the Archives (Trigger Warning)

 

Just a preface before reading this poem. I pulled it from my high school career archive. It was a very dark time of my life, and I still think about it almost every day. I wrote this poem one night, as I started to struggle with the faith I grew up with. I felt so lost and betrayed by everything that happened to me. It may come to shock many when reading these next couple of lines, but I am tired of concealing my truth. In the spirit of women’s history month, I am claiming my history and I am growing from it. When I was fifteen, I was in an abusive relationship and yes I am going to label it that. He never physically abused me, but mentally, emotionally, and sexually he did. When I was seventeen I went to a party with my best friends, and while I was there the brother of the host locked me in his bedroom and sexually assaulted me while I was on the verge of unconsciousness. My best friend is the one who saved me. So while reading this poem, I want you to think of that. Not to deter you from what you believe or feel, but to understand my truth, my story. I am stronger now than I have ever been, and while I am still haunted at times and my beliefs have changed, I wanted to share this part of me with you guys. 

 

Where were you, when I found myself in toxic waste?

Where were you, when I was pushed into the depths of the pit?

Where were you, when every touch was acid pouring onto my untouched skin? 

Where were you, when I longed for you to save me?

Where were you, when I laid, paralyzed, in a room as blue as the once peaceful sky?

Where were you, when my vision was blurred and I could hear their sweet voices screaming, but no sound came from me?

Where were you, through my fall of a once-promising young woman becoming a rugged girl?

Where were you, when I wished my breath would fade away?

Where were you, when I screamed your name in the dark?

Where were you?

You were nowhere to be found.