I am a child of Italian and Lebanese parents. My mother was raised in a Jewish household and my father in a split home. Neither of them as far as I knew, had experienced any issues with their mental health. When my anxiety and depression first started to become a major player in my life, I honestly wasn’t able to explain it to my parents. It got worse, it and then it kept getting worse, until one day there was no more putting off the conversation. I didn’t think they would understand, and to be honest, they couldn’t for a moment. They couldn’t understand until I was able to talk about it and I couldn’t do that until after I got help.
What worked best for me was having the ability to explain to my therapist why I felt uncomfortable talking to them about what I was going through. It came down to the fact that I felt like they wouldn’t be able to understand, so I didn’t see a point in starting the conversation. But what I was able to understand later is that I needed support at home as well. Therapy is great but when you’re not able to get that kind of support constantly, it won’t help you as much as it could. This meant I had to learn to open up to my parents.
One of the most important things I learned was that, you might get frustrated at first. You’re probably not used to speaking openly. In this situation it can be useful to go to therapy together and draft what you want to say. Even if you don’t write, write down how you feel. Word vomit, it doesn’t matter if it makes sense because after it’s all out, hopefully, your head will be clear enough to see what you’re trying to get across and know what you want to say. If you go in without a mediator, and you have no idea what you’re trying to say, everyone will get frustrated.
What also needs to be understood is that this is new territory for them. This might be the first time they’re hearing this information, and especially since it involves the health and safety of their child, they’re going to ask a lot of questions. You cannot brush this off anymore, you need to prepare to answer the when, the why, and everything in between. They will be confused and probably hurt that you feel this way. Knowing this makes the conversation a little easier. Mental illness is as hard for them as it is for you. It’s hard for the people around you to watch you hurt.
