Last week while on Instagram, I came across a post from @lifebyalissa that talked about “Why you always assume people are mad at you.” I looked through the post and it discussed how highly sensitive people may interpret a short response, strange look, or not getting a text back as someone being mad at them or that the highly sensitive person (HSP) did something wrong. It mentioned how highly sensitive people often analyze body language and tone to signal that something is off. High empathy and hypervigilance is why HSPs jump to these conclusions. As someone who has felt this way on numerous occasions, it made me want to learn more about highly sensitive people and how this impacts our day-to-day life. It’s believed that 15-20% of people have this trait, so these feelings are valid and shared with many individuals but may be misunderstood by those who don’t have this trait (Aron, 2022).
As stated above, highly sensitive people notice little things that may seem insignificant to others which can lead to overthinking or assuming that we did something wrong. Being hyper-vigilant causes us to be extra aware of our surroundings which means we’re constantly watching and analyzing as we are trying to protect ourselves from danger. Hypervigilance can occur from trauma, as one seeks to read body language to determine whether we’re safe in a situation — it’s a means of protecting oneself. As one works to avoid danger or harm, we may resort to people-pleasing as a means of conflict avoidance. While in some cases our beliefs about a situation may be true, more often than not things are not truly how we perceive them.
While we may people-please to avoid conflict, we may also try to prove our worth by taking on more than we can handle, which ultimately leads to burnout. When we feel unworthy or lack self-confidence, we feel the need to prove ourselves in work, school, and relationships/friendships so that deep down we can feel like we are enough. While it might seem like there are a large amount of negative things that come with being highly sensitive, there are so many positive attributes that go along with being highly sensitive too. And, we can use them to our advantage if we approach them in the right way.
When dealing with rejection, it’s important to distinguish feelings from what really happened. It’s okay to feel hurt and sad, but it’s necessary to recognize that whatever occurred most likely isn’t about us and does not reflect our worth. Healing your self-worth is also so important when it comes to dealing with rejection, as we can come to terms with situations not being about us, whether you didn’t get a job or were turned down by someone you wanted to date, it doesn’t change who you are as a person. There will always be new opportunities for growth and change in the future.
Setting healthy boundaries is vital for everyone but especially for HSPs to avoid burnout caused by people-pleasing and taking on too much at once. It’s okay to say no or delegate tasks among a group of individuals. Within relationships, it’s important to learn what you do and don’t want and communicate that with your partner.
There is so much value and importance in the ability to process one’s emotions. As someone who often pushes negative feelings aside, we have to feel it all, good and bad, in order to process them and move forward. If we don’t, those feelings will sit there unresolved and can trigger negative feelings or actions in the future because we did not fully process them. Another thing that I love is the concept of reparenting your inner child — many individuals experience trauma or experiences that shape their view of themselves and the world negatively; it is so important to be able to understand what you can do to stay calm and feel safe when faced with a situation that reminds you of those negative or traumatic experiences from childhood or adolescense.
To end, one quote I love is “One of the most beautiful things about you is the way you feel it all so deeply.” Being sensitive is not a bad thing and while society or our loved ones may tell us to toughen up, there is so much good that can come from being a sensitive, empathetic person and we can use that to help others and ourselves.
References: @lifebyalissa Aron, E. (n.d.). The highly sensitive person. The Highly Sensitive Person. Retrieved March 30, 2022, from https://hsperson.com/