For most, women hearing the words “You may never be able to have children” is easily the utmost devastating news they’ve ever received. Although for some woman, it’s nothing more than news. The latter group of women are often criticized for “lacking maternal instinct.” As one of those individuals, I’m here to tell you why that’s wrong.
A majority of women who are unable to conceive are often plagued by genetic disorders that make it difficult or impossible to have children of their own — something which is entirely out of their control. So to be told that they “lack maternal instinct” for being okay with that is a difficult blow. First, not being able to naturally conceive children does not mean they can never have children. Second, it is my body and I am its sole proprietor. If I choose not to have children, it’s nobody’s business but my own. While in recent years a third wave of feminism has taken hold of the general public, the “My body my rules” fight seems to be a battle of the most epic proportions, one that has evidently yet to be won. Along with this comes the power of women proclaiming that they don’t want to be mothers — a statement that in years prior would have totally shaken the ground on which we walk.
Often a dangerous parallelism to the newest wave of feminism is the rise of social media. Now my business is everyone’s business, and with that comes the seemingly incessant need for justification for every action. For every proclamation comes a justification. This is no less different for women who state that they are okay with not having children. However, no justification seems to be enough. I can’t just not want to be a mother, or think that I’m not suited for that lifestyle. Statements such as these seem to label individuals as selfish and underlying failures. While evolutionarily (for any species) the only goal is to survive and pass on genetic information, we’ve arrived at a stage of existence where the decision is now entirely our own. We’re no longer totally driven by some unseen desire and suffer the consequences. We have the choice. This is easily the most power anyone has been given. Yet women everywhere are being denounced for taking total control of their bodies.
Whether or not genetics is the decider in my capability to have children, at the end of the day, it is my body. My choices are my choices, and my power is all my own. All I ask is for understanding and respect. Don’t take pity on me. Know that I know what is best for me and my health. I am okay with not being able to have children.