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The BREAK in Breakup

We’ve all been through it once in our life, met a beautiful person who you thought would fit into your life. The last thing you can think about is them breaking up with you, the fact is that it happens. Love changes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t focus on yourself through this hard time. 

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One thing I did for myself during my breakup I took a break from the passive-aggressive language towards myself. I always turn to the negative and not the positive of the situation. No matter how good they are there is always a red flag somewhere in the relationship. People tend to forget about themself and focus on the other person to make them happy, especially if it was the first relationship. What I did was realize the wrong in the relationship and dwell on what I want in the next one, but don’t do that every day. Make specific times where you can sit down and really think about the relationship. I gave myself a week to dwell on everything, take the good and bad and make a list. Within that list I found more bad than good, making me realize that I was missing the red flags very early in the relationship. But not everyone has the same relationship, with this article I’ll show the best things to do to deal with a recent breakup. 


1. Avoid Tinder, it’s too early to go hunting for a new lover. Take time to adjust to what has just happened. The memories are the worst parts but they too become easier to handle. The first week is rough, having to take everything away and force yourself to move on. No, give yourself time to hurt. Even if you yourself don't want to cry anymore at least be able to know you are hurt and not press the feeling down. It will only hurt you more in the long run.


2. Focus on yourself, that could be doing a facemask while watching your favorite movie or going out with friends to a party. Whatever makes you feel better about the situation to do it. But remember to be kind to yourself, surround yourself with support and love. Just because your boy/girlfriend is gone doesn’t mean you are alone. Reach out to those who you love and in return, you will feel less alone, and maybe even make friendships with people you least expected. 


3. Meet new people, make new friends. I can’t stress that enough, the people who want to stay with you will. But the ones that don’t you have to be the one that moves on from them. My tip is being busy and going out there. Join every club and every event that’s being held. Being sheltered in a dorm or in a house is nice till your phone that was once popping is dry, get out there and talk even to one person. 


4. There are pros and cons to everything. Not everyone is going to understand what you are going through, nor will they be able to help with everything. This is the time to reevaluate what it means to you about being single. Is it freedom, or is it just a temporary state. Figure out what it means to you and it will make things a lot easier in pushing through in the day. 


5. Take it day by day, its best to just focus on the present and not the past. You have a life to live and that person cannot hold you back anymore. You are your own person and it helps to know that. Find at least one positive thing throughout the day, even in a bad mood having something positive will make it better. Not every day will be sunshine and rainbows, but at least the next day can be better if you make it better. 


6. It's ok to be alone. Not everyone can hope back into a relationship like that, it takes time to build what was broken. Take time to enjoy doing things alone, maybe have a meal by yourself, or treat yourself to a special break in the day to do whatever you want. Key things to have when healing is a huge body pillow and a heating blanket. It will help the lonely nights and give you something to cuddle when lonely.

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Even if you yourself aren’t going through a breakup but a friend is, here are some tips for those times you didn’t know what to do. 


1. Just be the support. You aren’t here to solve their problems or make things better, you are there to be with them. Don’t try to make the situation have a solution unless the person asks for help.


2. Always time for tea. Let them spill whatever is on their mind, doesn’t mean you have to side with them or not. If they need to vent let them, and then after have some time to let the emotions settle and they realize that an out lash of emotion is ok. 


3. Don’t take it all in too. You are your own person and sometimes people take second had emotion and carry it for the person to help them feel better. What I have learned is that it’s better to not be too involved but till with tip. Still, be there support. That doesn’t mean you have to take it all in and help them heal faster


4. If you have nothing to say, then don’t talk. Just be a big hug and a warm cup of tea, something for that person to rely on when you have the emotional energy for. It’s always the best after a big cry to have some tea and a friend to be with. 


5. A good playlist can help. Maybe you aren’t the best hands-on but if you know a playlist that can help get that friend out of the funk, its at least something for them from you. A way of showing your support for them through this hard time.


With these tips remember that not everyone experiences breakups in this way and that each person has their own coping mechanisms. Always give support and be willing to receive support when needed. Know that you are not alone in this process and that it's ok to be alone and still be happy. 

JJ Rogers

Utah '22

I find inspiration in the little things in life.
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