The five stages of grief are relatable to all things in life. Never have I ever, had to actually think about this process and how it relates to me. But, ALAS it became relevant to my life when my friend decided to transfer to a school out of state. It’s easy for people to come and go in your life, especially in college, but there are always those certain few that make an impact bigger than you would have expected. You grow attached to these people, you tell them everything, you have a 43-day snap streak with them, you are basically the same person so people expect you guys to be together 24/7. Your step aunt twice removed, asked questions as to why you didn’t bring this person to the family Christmas party. You guys become two of a kind. At this point, you’re friendship is the real deal. Things with her are a second nature and you can’t imagine not waking up to “let’s grab coffee in ten” blinking on your phone screen. Then your life gets turned up side down when those people decide to leave. What other options do you have to cope? You learn to grieve.
1. DENIAL
In October, my best friend told me that she was thinking about transferring to a different university. I, being a brat, didn’t think that she was being serious and played it off like a joke. Little did I know, she had already applied for spring semester, she had also already looked into housing and what life would be like in her new town. I didn’t fully understand the seriousness of the situation, and continued to give her grief over her decision as I was in COMPLETE denial mode. In my head, everything was going to stay the same and no way was anything drastic ever going to come between us.
2. ANGER
After realizing that she was 100% serious, I was straight up mad. Why did she think it was okay for her to leave and what did she expect me to do with my newfound free time? What was I supposed to do on weekends when she was 3 hours away? Yeah, I know three hours is not even far but I was in too deep to understand this. At this point, I now realize how completely illogical I was being. What would my life be like now? How would I go on? But as the, sometimes over dramatic, person that I am, my “anger stage” of acceptance, was pretty prevalent in our friendship. I needed to learn to get over it.
3. BARGAINING
After my anger subsided, I was constantly thinking about ways that I could convince her to stay. “You probably won’t even like it there. You’re roommates seem odd. Your current school has a similar major.” Despite my efforts she always had a reason to shut my absurd ideas down and me. I got through this stage of acceptance pretty quickly because I had nothing factual to go off of. I knew deep down that my suggestions were dumb; I was beginning to understand that only negative things were going to happen if I continued on this path of friendship destruction. Thankfully, she’s a reasonable and sane person and stuck with me while I grew to accept her life change.
4. DEPRESSION
After a while, I came to the conclusion that she was my best friend and that I needed to be supportive of her, despite my own thoughts and ideas. I knew that if the roles were reversed, she would be there for me. I tried as hard as I could to be a good friend that wanted the best for her, despite how sad I was. I listened to her go on and on about her new roommates, apartment, what the city was like, what the campus looked like, what her goals and dreams were. I listened to it all, smiled, and secretly hoped that she was going to change her mind.
5. ACCEPTANCE
Here we are, a month into the new semester. A month without sleepovers every weekend and 4 weeks without being connected at the hip. I’ve spent the last 30 days being resentful that she is moving on in a different direction in her life, but at the same time so totally and insanely excited for her. Even though we both miss the short drive that it is between our houses, we now get to look forward to our Facetime dates while we walk to class. Our friendship has developed to something that we both didn’t think was possible. I have accepted that when you have a friendship as great and as strong as we do, a mere 3-hour drive is nothing and I had no reason to continue acting out.
A month later, I now realize that I was being irrational and ridiculous, but hey, what’s a girl to do when her best friend moves away?