We have all gone through disappointing experiences throughout our lives. We’ve been disappointed in people and people have been disappointed in us. The latter tends to take a toll on us most of the time. The worst type of disappointment isn’t from your parents, or your friends, or your teachers. What if I told you that the worst type of disappointment is self-disappointment?
Count how many times I say the word “disappointment” in this post (or any variations of it). I dare you.
Self-disappointment takes place whenever we say no to our own wants in order to meet or fulfill others’ needs. It also occurs anytime we forget to take care of ourselves, or we move around our schedule for someone else, or whenever we tell someone we can’t do what they need from us. And thus, a pang of guilt inevitably flows through us. As if saying no to someone constitutes an actual crime.
When you forget to take care of yourself, you’re actually abandoning your needs. When you ignore your own to-do list to help others, you will ultimately derail from your goals, dreams, and aspirations.
Sometimes, even if it makes you feel guilty, saying no is oftentimes inevitable. By saying no in order to prioritize yourself and your needs, you open up space in your calendar to work towards your future and the goals it may bring. Going through your to-do list and committing to what you said you were going to do gives power to your words. Whenever you say you’re going to complete something and then you derail from that, you’re disrespecting yourself and your boundaries.
Here’s how you set boundaries and make yourself a priority: Aside from saying no, tell others what you’ve been meaning to work on so that they understand you aren’t doing “nothing”. Also, feel free to let them know about how much time you can actually dedicate to completing these tasks. That way, they’ll know when it’s okay to ask you for favors. Note to self: be specific and honest. Don’t shy away from expressing your time limits. Be firm and, whatever you do, don’t let your inner people-pleaser detract you from accomplishing your end goals.
Disappointing others, because they want you to be their own projected version of you, is the hardest part. When will they understand that they’ve already built their lives, and now it’s your turn? It’s impossible to be everyone’s expected version of you. It’s mentally and emotionally draining. Here I am, giving you full permission to let go of external expectations, and to focus on the person you want to become and work towards that.
I give you permission to disappoint others and to let go of the guilt that comes with it. I give you permission to say no in order to have time to work on yourself and your goals. I give you permission to be unapologetically yourself.
Disappointing yourself is what derails you from believing in yourself and your potential. It’s time to make yourself a priority and work towards the life that you want.