There’s three reasons as to why you’re reading this article: you have a friend who didn’t graduate when they wanted to, you didn’t graduate when you expected to, or you’re one of my loved ones.
If you’re here due to the last one: hey, thanks!
Now if you’re here for the first two, I do not have to tell you how much of a disappointment it is to not achieve a goal when you thought you would. Yes, you’re sure, and I’m sure, that the goal will eventually be reached, and that it is amazing that you’re even able to graduate, but somehow, that isn’t what you’re mainly thinking about. You’re thinking of everything that led you here. Every possible mistake you made along the way, all of the time you might have wasted, and all the things that you should have done to graduate in the time you, or someone else, had imposed. I’m going to be honest: there’s nothing I could really say to take those nasty thoughts away. University life sucks sometimes and no one prepares you for that, so feel what you have to feel.
Although you shall do with your life as you please, and therefore, you really don’t need to listen to some stranger on the Internet, I have something important to tell you: it’s okay to not graduate at any specific time. Friendly reminder that you are human. You aren’t some machine that has to achieve goals in a time limit or you’ll be obsolete—you are a living being that has a whole life outside of college. Truth is, there’s a boat load of reasons that can prevent you from graduating, and none of them will ever be your fault.
You may have some personal situations that prevent you from taking a giant course load, a class might not appear in your record, you’re studying in multiple fields, your scholarship ran out, or you simply don’t feel the same passion for what you’re studying as you once did. These things, no matter what anyone else wants you to think, happen all the time. Life is messy, and in most cases, we can’t control what happens to us, so some things might be out of reach—not for forever, but for a while.
You shouldn’t blame yourself for not graduating on time even if you do believe you made a mistake that personally guided you there. You really can’t reverse time to change anything, and fixating on it would only cause harm that you don’t deserve.
Ask yourself: who told you that you have to graduate within a certain time frame? Who gave you the idea that if you don’t cross the finish line in a precise moment, you’re failing?
There really isn’t anything set in stone telling you to graduate in three, four, five, six, or seven years. There is no precise time to graduate. Yes, people will give estimates or guesses. Heck, your curriculum might even give you a planned schedule, but you don’t have to follow it strictly. I’ll say that one more time for the virtual people in the back: you really don’t have to follow any schedule suggested by anyone. As long as you complete the course load and abide by the university’s policies, you can do whatever you want. People like to rush others to do things as they did them or as they think they should always be done, but you shouldn’t be forced to reach anyone’s standards—not even those of your loved ones.
If you’re imposing a tight deadline on yourself, ask yourself: why? Really ponder if the reason as to why you’re doing this is worth it, or if you’re even doing it for yourself. Most importantly: give yourself a break! No reason should be more important than your physical or mental health. As cliché as it sounds, making it to college is a huge achievement on its own, so you should really be proud of yourself. The moment you start loving and appreciating yourself is the moment you’ll start making genuinely secure decisions for yourself and be happy with the goals you can reach.
What should you do if you don’t graduate when you expected to? First off, feel whatever you feel. If you want to cry and eat ice cream for a week, then do it, and if you want to scream into your pillow for ten minutes straight (be careful), you can do that too. Second, talk to people about it. Having a support group, or a support person, will always be great; don’t be scared of searching for help if the feelings start to overwhelm you. Third, remember that you don’t owe anyone who asks “When are you going to finally graduate?” an answer.
At the end of the day, you’re still here and you’re still trying; that’s what matters the most.