Breakups are, by far, one of the hardest and most heart-wrenching processes any human being can go through. Anyone who’s ever fallen in love has likely experienced the pain and sadness that accompanies a breakup. This can happen because of one-sidedness, toxicity in the relationship, loss of interest or cheating. We do have one thing in common, regardless as to why we broke up: breakups suck and affect our emotional health, especially if we gave it our all and the relationship still ended.
Just as we do when we grieve the death of a loved one, we must allow ourselves the time and space to mourn and analyze why things didn’t turn out the way we would have wanted. Here’s the catch: unlike the loss of a close friend or relative, chances are your ex is still out there, doing their business and going on with their lives, even if we, on the other hand, haven’t quite gotten to that point yet. Why? Because we are not perfect, and if you were truly invested in this failed relationship, likely, you’re still holding on to the good times and happy experiences you shared with your former SO. Yes, on most occasions, this can also include taking some time to wallow in self-pity. After all, giving yourself some proper space to grieve and reset emotionally is also an important aspect of self-love.
But what if I told you there’s a way to alleviate the pain? To stop thinking of the good, the bad and the ugly of all things concerning your ex? I’m talking about a tried and true method with a strategy I recently adopted after the final breakup of a long on and off relationship. At the time, I was an emotional mess and, much to my dismay, I’d often find myself checking in on my ex’s social media for any signs of life as I held on to a thin strand of hope that maybe, just maybe, this person might still want me back despite it all. After I confided my struggles to my aunt (aka one of the most wholesome and understanding human beings on this earth), she opened up and shared a wise piece of advice in the form of a famous proverbial phrase: out of sight, out of mind. Sure, I’d heard the phrase on a number of occasions (cue “Lego House”, by Ed Sheeran), but I had never actually considered the true meaning behind the words. Turns out it means exactly what it sounds like.
Essentially, it’s all about removing any triggers that might remind you of past relationships. To be honest, the OSOM philosophy (yes, you can pronounce the acronym as “awesome”, because it’s actually pretty successful!) doesn’t sound particularly doable when literally everything reminds you of your former partner. But! I’m here to tell you that there is no need to despair. Like any long-term process, you gotta start small: which means removing or blocking the person from all social media sites (this is actually a key factor for keeping the person out of mind for good, or at least for the time being), hide or delete pictures that might call to mind shared experiences with your ex, and avoid listening to songs or playlists that will ultimately sink you deeper into the post-breakup pity party. This is the magic behind the Out of Sight, Out of Mind way of thinking (aka the Hakuna Matata of breakups): by removing any potential triggers, you are fundamentally setting aside all worries that might arise as their resulting consequences.
Related: Heartbreak Survival Guide
The more you choose to ignore the little reminders of your past relationship and move on with your life, the more you’ll realize that you, my dear, are your person. This means that life does go on after any tough experience such as a breakup, no matter how hurtful the process may be. It also means that, at the end of the day, not a single person is worth the sacrifice or detriment of your emotional wellbeing.
If you want this tactic’s magic to work, you need to commit and accept the fact that you should not, under any circumstances, go back to constantly checking up on your ex. After all, this sort of behavior may cause you to fall into desperate actions, and trust me, you do not want to compromise your dignity for any reason whatsoever. Sure, sometimes random nostalgia can pop up here and there without any trigger in particular, but it’s up to you to appreciate the happy moments you once shared with your ex, acknowledge your presence, and focus on creating a positive, self-loving future.