The term “existential crisis” is thrown around so lightly in today’s world. A person may be having a bad day, overwhelmed with things to do or get done, saying “Oh my god I am having an existential crisis right now”. But in reality an existential crisis, by definition, is when one is questioning their purpose and the meaning of life. It isn’t really a topic that should be tossed around so carelessly- the thoughts that arise from them cause some to examine their entire existence.
Coming back for my fourth semester at UNH has been harder than I could’ve ever anticipated. With some last minute schedule changes, my coursework is daunting- and it is only the second week of classes. Working two jobs and a handful of extracurriculars on top of this has been no help either. I felt like I was just existing and not living, constantly doing homework and preparing for the next day or week. I began to feel stressed and unmotivated, and before I knew it I was spiraling into a place where I questioned what I was really doing with my life. What was I doing at this school? Was I really happy with my decision to go here? Are the friends I am making now the ones I will have for the remainder of my life? Is the degree I am pursuing really what I want to do with my life? I was unsure about every decision I had ever made.
All of these thoughts were circling in my brain, and although in the moment they were overwhelming and scary, I realized after a while that they weren’t necessarily negative. Having these thoughts about my life forced me to reflect. I was finally able to stop and really think about everything going on in my life. With each question that had risen in my mind, I had to contemplate, because I couldn’t find the answer from anyone but myself. No one would be able to tell me if I was happy with my situation, or whether I was on the right track for the future I was stressing about. I was the only one who could answer those questions.
After these realizations, I was able to address what was bothering me. I was able to figure out what I needed in my life at that moment to help me find purpose. It was definitely not all sunshine and rainbows, it was uncomfortable forcing myself to think about what was making me feel so unsure. It involved a lot of self-reflection and questioning what I was doing in my life.
By giving myself the time to reflect on all of these answers, I allowed myself to feel. And that is so important when you are feeling overworked on autopilot. While I wouldn’t say you should force yourself into an existential crisis, I believe that if you are having one you shouldn’t try to stop it. Let it happen, and remind yourself that you will get through this. It will pass and you will come out on the other side with a new outlook. Take some time to yourself to reflect about all of the thoughts, and figure out what you need to do to make yourself happy. It is so important to feel your feelings. For me personally, especially as a college student, I am constantly going and I use that as an excuse to avoid addressing how I am truly feeling. Having an existential crisis prompted me to take a break, and think about everything I had been feeling and pushing away. Although this is all easier said than done, going through this existential crisis allowed me to get back on track and gave me clarity that I was making the right decisions. No one wants to feel the bad feelings that come along with an existential crisis, but you need your worst mood and negative thoughts to influence you to appreciate the good things in life.