In between the dazzling holiday lights, laughter at Christmas parties and Instagram posts of happy families, you may feel like the odd one out. This time of year can bring moments of joy, but also feelings of loneliness, grief and frustration. Many of us are wonderful at extending ourselves to be a shoulder to cry on, to get the perfect gift and to be kind and understanding to those in our life. Kindness and grace towards others is beautiful thing, but it should never be neglected towards yourself.
Not showing up for yourself can look like a lot of things. Perhaps you feel envious of others’ seemingly tight-knit families, but then you tell yourself you should be grateful for what you have and that it could be worse. Maybe you scroll through social media comparing your appearance, social life and achievements to others. You may feel lonely, overwhelmed or irritable, and then frustrated and annoyed you can’t seem to suck it up and be happy. It’s a tedious cycle, beating ourselves up, when we’re already down and then wondering why we never get better. Giving ourself space to experience all the feelings without invalidating or comparing is a step towards healing.
Self-compassion may not be an overnight skill you develop. First try being mindful of your thoughts, let them come and go and remember thoughts are not always facts. Any thoughts you notice that are particularly negative towards yourself: stop and reframe them. For example when you catch yourself comparing your appearance to others by saying, “I hate the way I look.” Say back to those thoughts, “my worth is not dependent on my physical appearance” or “my appearance is the least interesting thing about me.”
Toxic positivity is very real, and there are times where feeling and acknowledging the pain is needed. Remind yourself it’s safe to feel these feelings and to allow them to come and go. Having grace for yourself also isn’t a “get out of jail free card” for your actions affect others. What having grace is though, acknowledging what happened, understanding you are human and these things happen and asking yourself what you can do differently in the future.
To put it simply, talk and treat yourself like you would your best friend. Take care of yourself this holiday season; honor your boundaries and needs. Ultimately, all you truly have is you. Having a more nurturing, positive relationship with yourself will make braving the rough patches life has a bit more easier.