Ignorantly turning a blind eye to the potential damage of our own verbal assault after making a small and unavoidable mistake is a place we have all been. We sit in complete silence and tear apart our character. I know I’ve come down extremely hard on myself for giving an incorrect answer during a class discussion, and I used to not be able to get over forgetting a friend’s birthday. Recently, I have been exercising the art of mindfulness in pursuit of battling my own negative thoughts about myself. In sharing these tips, we can all work towards being kinder to ourselves.
In other words, give yourself time to “stop and smell the roses” in your busy life. Take inventory of your feelings and how you express them. Without mindfulness, it is easy to let negativity thrive and it builds up quickly. It is extremely important, even for a few minutes at a time, to be aware of what you are needing in that exact moment.
When it comes to being mindful of the verbal assault I inflict on myself, I believe in addressing it as soon as possible. It is no longer acceptable for me to call myself “stupid” for accidentally spilling my morning coffee or “dumb” for completely missing a red flag in a close relationship. The saying “sticks and stones…” is no longer relevant when you speak to yourself because words hold weight whether or not you realize it. Subconsciously, you tend to internalize horrible lies about who you are and what you mean to the world.
In addition to practicing mindfulness of how your self-deprecation starts to take a toll on you, you should also examine how the way you communicate with others is affected. Next time you jokingly tell your friend that “they’re annoying,” think about how those words could potentially float around their head all day. Check yourself when you are casually talking about or to another individual, and if the conversations are anything but uplifting. Being mindful of how you speak to others is a direct reflection of your own internal dialogue and how you choose to address your own feelings.
I would be lying if I said that I am always aware of my self-talk, or what I say about others, but mindfulness is a process. I have recently taken up yoga and meditation in order to retrace my words back to the initial trauma. While these activities are ultimately positive and beneficial, they’re also emotionally taxing in the moment. It takes time to undo the damage of constant negativity, especially when the negativity comes from within. We are essentially healing from self-inflicted wounds so it is expected that it gets ugly. Get a head start on combating harsh words by taking that extra moment before your nighttime routine to breathe and reflect on how you treated yourself that particular day. Did you allow space for patience and vulnerability? Did the people in your life treat you the way you deserve to be treated? (you DESERVE to be queenin’ out here girl!) Your sense of self is one of the most important weapons when it comes to surviving life. Please remember that you are strong, confident and above all else you are worthy.