It’s easier to keep the smile on my face than to risk letting anyone see the storm inside. Sometimes there are days when I think, “Is this the end? Is my suffering finally over?” But then I realize, it’s only the eye of the hurricane and more rain and wind is going to take over my mind.
I wish I could tell someone how I feel. How, sometimes, the storm clouds envelop me and fill my lungs with water and my heart with sorrow. But, I remember how some people left me to drown, and I can’t trust anyone anymore, even if they have a lifesaver or a lifeboat.
I feel like a flower that bloomed in the wrong season. The flower who got over logged by rain and ended up beaten down by the raindrops, barely able to stand up with no support whatsoever. I wish the flower could reach up and see the sunshine.
But other times, I am the rainbow behind the thunderstorm, hard to see, impossible to know, but I am there. Ready to remind people of the beauty that comes inside. I might not hold the entire sun, but I know that maybe one day, maybe tomorrow or next week, or next year, a new flower will grow and this time, I will make sure it gets enough sunlight.