As we grow and become adults, we will come across many people in our lives. It’s true as they say, “people come and go,” but the truth is, they leave behind something. Relationships have an effect on us that we may not be aware of. Beginning with your parents, the first relationship you’ve ever had. The way you were cared for as a newborn determines your attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Anxious persons are frequently focused with their relationships and are concerned about their partner’s ability to love them back. Avoidant people associate intimacy with a loss of independence, therefore they try to avoid it at all costs. People that are secure are usually warm and loving, and they are at ease with closeness. You can find out which attachment style you fit under by reading the book, “Attached. The New Science of Adult Attachment And How It Can Help You Find And Keep Love”
Ask yourself, what does your relationship with the people in your life mean to you? Do you tend to pull away when things start to feel good? Do you often worry about people leaving your side? The truth is, both feelings are valid because when we observe something, our brains fill in elements that we may not even notice are missing, based on our previous experiences. It’s not what we see in our physical vision that defines how we define our current reality; it’s how we perceive what we see.
We have no way of knowing when the next person in our lives will hurt us, and it is not our responsibility to know or even be concerned of it. Your job isn’t to completely trust that people will never hurt you; but to trust yourself that you’ll be fine if they do. We all love based on our past experiences, and we all have diverse attachment styles with the hopes of achieving a safe attachment style one day. When you’re in a relationship, you don’t have to be in a fight or flight mode all of the time. Believe that you are deserving of the love you desire and that the past does not define the future.