This is for my girlies who are either new to the college scene or just haven’t found their group/girl yet. Let me say, this is completely normal. When we were young, it was so simple and easy to make a friend; you could tell a girl you liked her bow, and you guys would be inseparable since then. Now, I guess since we’re “grown”, it’s not so easy, you have to dang near hawk a girl down just to create some type of acquaintance (and that’s if she doesn’t think you have a crush on her). So, here are 5 tips that I’ve personally used to get myself out there to girls like me.
#1 Be Yourself, Stay Yourself.
When you don’t have your people yet, it’s tempting to soften yourself: giggle instead of laugh, tone down your personality, change your morals and standards that you’ve set for yourself. But the girls that are meant for you can’t find you if you’re hiding. Stay yourself. Even if it looks like laughing at your own jokes for a minute or walking into rooms alone. The right friendship won’t require you to shrink, but it’ll encourage you to grow.
#2 You’re Solo, Not Stuck.
Being alone does not mean you have to stay in bed rotting away. Get up. Get dressed. Go somewhere that has light in it. You’re still allowed to have a life outside your dorm room. You have to pour into your own pot before filling others. A lot of girls haven’t found their group yet because they’re waiting to be invited, waiting for a response. But sometimes you meet your future bridesmaid while standing in line by yourself or taking that cooking class alone. And let’s be honest, walking in alone builds a different type of aura, that’s the vibe that people can feel. You’re not stuck; you’re just solo right now. And solo does not mean sidelined.
#3 Go Where You’d want your future friends to be.
You can’t walk into McDonald’s expecting a hot and ready slice of cheese pizza. That’s not the menu, nor the environment. So why are you expecting to find aligned, ambitious, creative friends in places that don’t reflect who you’re trying to become? If you want ambitious friends, go to networking and professional events. If you want creative friends, maybe take up a pottery or painting class. If you want soft, girly friends, go to campus yoga/pilates or an open mic. Energy will gather where it’s fed. Your people are usually hiding in your interest, in rooms you’ve been nervous to walk into. Friendships aren’t random, they’re environmental.
#4 Stop waiting to be picked.
This isn’t middle school kickball. Nobody’s lining you up against a brick wall, deciding who’s worthy of friendship. And if they are… that’s not your friend anyway. If you want a connection, initiate it. Invite the girl whose hair you complimented last week to brunch. Ask the classmate who keeps catching your eye to grab coffee. Friendships don’t magically form just because you’ve made eye contact or exchanged that awkward smile once or twice. Just be real. Be a little vulnerable. A friendship is like a relationship; you want to know someone’s intentions. You want to know if she’s just bored or if she wants to build a sisterhood. Maybe you want more genuine friends, or you’re trying to be more social this semester. Just put it in the air and test the waters. It doesn’t make you desperate; it makes you decisive.
#5 Not every girl is your girl.
Not all zebras have the same stripes, and not everyone comes from the same cloth. Just because she’s nice does not mean she’s aligned. You’re looking for a connection, something that just fits like a missing piece of a puzzle. And that can take time. You have to let people reveal themselves, like watch what they say about others and pay attention to how they act behind closed doors. Friendship is a slow burn, not a flash sale.
But hey, maybe the girls like you aren’t missing or hiding. Maybe they’re just figuring it out, just like you. And maybe this season isn’t about finding a group, but rather just becoming the kind of woman who’s in tune with herself and ready to conquer any mental, physical, or spiritual challenges that get thrown her way. So get up. Go out. And stay yourself. The real ones will recognize you. And when they do? You don’t have to chase it’ll just happen.